Although the gay rights movement has come a long way since Stonewall in '69, I'm learning that there's still a lot of work to do. Quick exmple: I went to talk to our HR guy last week about opening a flexible spending account. I was told that Nickie cannot ever take advantage of he spousal benefits and I will have to legally adopt a baby before he/she can be put as a dependent because flexible spending is a federally regulated program.
To give an idea of what has to be done to adopt, here's the laundry list of things we need:
1. Birth certificate of the child
2. CORI forms for each parent
3. Petition for Adoption
4. Affidavit of Petitioners
5. Affidavit Disclosing Care and Custody
6. Motion to waive appointment of GAL & Atty for the child
7. Motion to waive homestudy
8. Motion to waive notice to unknown donor
9. Affidavit/letter from each party's doctor and the pediatrician that everyone is in good health.
10. Affidavit from the parties detailing their relationship, financial ability to support the child and reasons why the adoption should be allowed.
11. Money. Money. Money.
I appreciate the opportunity to be able to do all of this, because there are plenty of states where this isn't even an option. But... if I had a spot on my record or I was sick or I didn't convince the court my relationship was good enough, would they can say no to me? Really? I could screw a homeless man with a 50 DUI's and Hepatitis B and he'd be a parent to my child with no question. But because I don't have a dick and aren't carrying, I need to prove my abilities as a parent financially, physically and emotionally. The whole thing is just so backwards.
Even after the adoption is complete, only one of us can add the baby as a dependent on our federal taxes. And (of course) we file as single because feds don't recognize our marriage. Don't worry, though. The federal goverment is still more than happy to take a chunk of my check every 2 weeks. They don't discriminate there...
On the up side, my name will be on the birth certificate. I have full parental rights in Massachusetts before the adoption. And, we're still having a baby in about 29 weeks that will know us both as mom instead of mom and "roommate" or "friend". I'm very thankful for that.
Has it really (almost) been a year?
5 weeks ago