Thursday, September 23, 2010

Diaper change

I remember as a soon-to-be parent I had some pretty idealistic notions about parenting and the things I would and wouldn't do once our precious Nugget arrived. Once you become a parent and reality hits hard, you learn to take things one day at a time.

One of the things I said I would never do is let the TV be my child's babysitter. Although it's true that I will not let Dillon be a total couch potato when she gets older, I am already guilty of letting the TV mesmerize my child. Dillon has been obsessed with the TV ever since she was about a week old. I didn't even know babies that young even noticed things like TV but boy did she. There were times when she would be crying endlessly until she caught a glimpse of the glowing screen and ta da, silence. We would cover her eyes or divert her view and the crying would start up again, then she'd see it again and voila, silence again. Now even though this worked to stop the insanity, we didn't use it to our advantage, after all we don't want her to develop newborn ADD. But I am guilty of strapping her in her bouncy seat and turning on Arthur so I could take a quick shower. Although it worked like a charm, it will not become a habit of mine, just an occasional pleasure.

Another thing I was hard set against was using traditional diapers. I had fleeting (and I mean fleeting) thoughts of cloth diapering. But the idea of shaking "solid waste" into the toilet and doing endless shitty diaper laundry in addition to all the other responsibilities was too overwhelming. Next best thing in my mind was to use the chlorine-free, fully compostable, hippie sort of diapers. You know, 7th Generation and Earth's Best, etc, etc. I really have given them all a good ol' college try, but I find for our little pooping machine they just aren't worth the extra money to buy them. Whole Foods brand are WAY over sized. I bought a package of their size 2 which were made for babies 6-14 lbs and they were huge on Dillon. She's a big girl and we were using these when she was about 11lbs, I don't know who thought up the idea that these would fit a newborn. Maybe they would work if you wanted to wrap the entire baby into the diaper??? Next we tried 7th Generation. I don't mind the tan, non-bleached color of these diapers, I minded the fact that these weren't made for a girl with a little junk in her trunk. These are apparently the thong version of diapers, not a fan. We haven't used Earth's Best since our first few weeks and I don't remember the problem we had with them, so maybe I'll give those another whirl. For now, we'll stick with my favorite bleached to the nines, earth destroying Pampers Sensitive Swaddlers. They fit her the best, hardly ever an accident even with her massive explosions. We will never use their regular version with the Dry Max as they gave her blisters on her labia when she was like a week old.

Lastly, I always said we would never give her formula. I am happy to say that aside from the first time she needed it (in the hospital with jaundice) and a couple times after, she has never had any again. Our breastfeeding relationship has improved with a lot of work. It's not easy all of the time, but I know with a little perseverance we can get through whatever challenge is being thrown at us. I am so happy to know that because of my efforts I have grown this child into the 98th percentile that she's in now and I think that's pretty amazing. And the fact that we have no choice but to continue this until she is 1 because she won't drink formula even if we wanted to give it to her. She spits, gags, and acts as if you are trying to poison her. Judging by the smell of that stuff I think I would react the same way. Hopefully my supply will keep up to her growing needs and my return back to work. The new challenge will be finding time to pump every 2-3 hours while working in a busy ER. But feeding my child is my #1 priority, so will be pumping myself like Bessie the cow.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

A Mother's Guilt

First, some of Dillon's 10 week photos:

Now... Honestly, I'm not sure what "a mother's guilt" is really supposed to mean. I have my own interpretation, which I shall share.

Since Dillon was born, I have felt guilty about everything and anything I do. Here's a list:
-During my leave, I felt guilty for leaving my staff and co-workers for 7 weeks during a staff crunch
-I also felt guilty not making money during those 7 weeks
-I felt guilty leaving Nickie with the baby for those 2 shifts I did decide to go in during my leave
-Now, I feel guilty that Nickie has the baby's lips super glued to her boobs for months on end and I can't share in the inconvenience
-I feel guilty that the dogs are treated like they used to and don't get as many walks
-I feel guilty leaving work with loose ends because I want to get the hell out of there the second my shift is up
-I feel guilty when I sleep most of the night when I have to work the next day when Nickie gets up a good chunk of the night
-I feel guilty when my brain is not into my work, whether its from lack of sleep or just not having my head in the game
-I feel guilty leaving Nickie 40 hours a week
-I feel guilty leaving Dillon for all that time too
-I felt guilty letting the lawn look like crap over the summer. I hope the neighbors don't hate us
-I feel guilty knowing I could be making a lot more money anywhere else so we wouldn't worry about money as much
-I feel guilty that we used an unknown donor
-I feel guilty taking so many gifts from people for the baby. It's just too much.
-I feel guilty that I can't give as much time to my friends as I used to
-I feel guilty if I'm with my friends and not at home with the baby

The fuel for this: I was at one of my oldest and closest friend's wedding tonight. It was the first time we left Dillon with my parents. We had a great time, but I would get these waves of nausea thinking that we left her with people who don't know her quirks (even though its my parents). THEN, I got zapped with guilt that I knew I had to leave early to alleviate this.

In summary, here is my perpetual feeling: Rock--->Ros<---Hard Place
the end

Monday, September 13, 2010

Two Month Update

I'm 2 months old!!

The exciting thing this week... tolerating the Bumbo... It took a while.

Things have been a bit hectic, but our world is starting to settle out. I went back to work.... talk about being thrown to the wolves. I went from being home all the time to being bombarded with 293 teenagers and accompanying parents (I don't know which which group is worse). All I think about at work is how much I want to go home. Nothing feels better than dropping my keys in the mudroom, pulling my Danskos off and scooping up Dillon with her gummy smile.
Dillon's 2 month pediatrician visit solidified our assumption that she's a big girl. She is 98th percentile for her height at 24.5 inches. She's 75th'ish percentile for weight at 11lbs 13.5 oz. And she's got a big noggin too at 15.5 inches. That with her milestone being about a month ahead makes me think she's an evolutionary miracle; a 2 month old that's really 3-4 months old...
Dillon's favorite thing now is blowing raspberries. She's mastered the art, especially when she's pissed. She loves watching people stick their tongues out or make mouth noises. Her mouth noise is when I burp in her face, but Nickie's not a fan of me doing that... Dil started making kissy noises today, which is pretty darn cute.
And, not to brag, but she slept 7 hours straight last night. Thank gawd for a night sleeper!
That's about it! We're happy to be out of newborndom!