Life...and death

My mother passed away on 12/9/09 after a brief "battle" with cancer. It was more of sucker punch than a battle as she found out she had cancer and then it just consumed her in little over 6 weeks. I guess that's the best way it could be when you have metastasized cancer all over your body. I'm glad it was quick because it was awful seeing her like that, and the stress it was putting on our family was just incredible. Cancer + profound mental illness = nightmare for everyone involved.

We found out that I was pregnant the same week we found out that she had cancer. I'm glad I didn't wait until xmas to tell her I was preggo which was my original plan. I told her about 2 weeks ago after my friend did an unofficial u/s on me when I was about 8.5 weeks (I love having friends in high places). We went to visit her after my u/s as she was in the same hospital and after seeing her, Ros and my sister said it was probably a good idea to tell her as she truly looked like crap and like she could go at any time. Needless to say, she was very happy for us and although she'd been telling me she wanted a grandson for as long as I can remember, she said she was excited to be having a granddaughter... I guess only time will tell to see if she was correct, but we all think it was an interesting change of heart at the last minute. This would have been her first grandchild. It's funny because during our TTC journey I always felt pressured to get pregnant fast because my grandmother is slipping ever so steadily into a demented oblivion and I wanted her to be able to meet her great grandchild, I had no idea at the time that my mother's end would be so imminent.

I did put a picture of my 9.5 week u/s in the casket with her. Now my entire family knows that I'm pregnant, and although they don't all talk about the fact that I am gay and married, they all wished both Ros and me the best.


I think it was a nice distraction for the family to be able to talk of this new life inside of me on the same day as the funeral of my mother. It's ironic how life can be sometimes.

Here's a pic of my mother and Ros with the pooches at during xmas last year. I can't believe how much things have changed in less than one year. Hopefully next year will bring only much needed goodness for my family.



RIP "The Sharon" 8/31/56-12/9/09

-Nickie