Little Fishie

I have finally started to feel the Nugget over the past week or so. I wouldn't exactly call her a soccer player yet as her kicks are few and far between but I know it's just the beginning. I'm sure there are plenty of sleepless nights to come due to acrobatics in my uterus at 3am. Good thing I am usually up until that time at least 3 times per week. I was nervous for a while that I wouldn't feel her for a few more weeks due to my anterior placenta, but there must be a non placentad spot at my left lower uterus because that's where I can usually feel her trying to break free. It's such a weird feeling, like a goldfish hitting the side of its bowl. I wish she was big and powerful enough for Ros to feel her through my belly, but we're not quite there yet. I absolutely love that she sometimes moves in response to Ros blowing raspberries on my belly or Ros talking to her. Her movements are just enough to let me know that she really is ok in there. I wish women were equipped with a tiny window to allow you to take a peak at the baby to know they are ok.

We'll be around 22 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe we've been through more weeks than we have left. It seems like we've go so far to go, but in reality I know the time is going to fly and our lives will be changed forever. We are so lucky to be surrounded by people who are equally as excited about this baby as we are, whether they be old friends or co-workers. I think that the process and amount of work that went into getting pregnant and the fact that we were so open about the whole thing has made this "everybody's" baby.

T-minus 6 days until Ros and I head off to hopefully sunny Key West for our 5 day Babymoon. We were there less than 1 year ago for our honeymoon. I can't wait to waddle around in my bikini top with my belly hanging out. I have never in my life worn a bikini top, mostly because I was embarrassed by my belly, now that I am proud of it, I mind as well show it off. It is quite cute and hasn't been scarred by any stretch marks yet. Hopefully we won't have to go there since I have been religiously cocobuttering since around 12 weeks. Although many people told me this doesn't make a difference, I hope I can prove them all wrong.

Gray

This baby is going to make me completely gray by the time she is born. I'll look like that older mother that others will envy for my energy of a 30 year old.

When I got to work yesterday, the secretary told me that I had received a phone call and she told them I'd be in at 3. I asked if it was Ros, she said it was someone from Maternal Fetal Health. My heart skipped a beat as my mind started racing as to why in the hell would they call me at work. Something must be wrong with the baby, is obviously the first thing that popped into my head since we had our ultrasound the day earlier. So I went to my assignment and waited for them to call back.

At 3:15 they did. When I answered the phone it was the radiologist who reviewed my ultrasound. She proceeded to tell me that Nugget has a small choroid plexus cyst in her brain. Obviously curious as to what the heck that means, she told me that it was usually nothing, a benign finding, but could sometimes be an indicator for trisomy 18. For all of you who aren't familiar with devastating genetic disorders, trisomy 18 is a really bad one, incompatible with life. After a mini panic attack, she explained to me that since everything else looked normal, I shouldn't worry. I was more relieved when I remembered that we had our 12 week nuchal translucency integrated screen which tests for markers for Downs Syndrome and other trisomy conditions, including trisomy 18. Our results were completely normal. I think my ratio for Downs Syndrome was like 1:617, which is a really good ratio to have.

Of course as soon as I got off the phone with her I called Ros at work. I told her not to panic but they found this abnormality on Nuggets ultrasound. At first she was a little nervous but 2 seconds later she Googled the cyst and was relieved. I looked up my medical record while I was at work (another benefit to my job) and saw my offical ultrasound report. It stated the cyst was small and that there were no other abnormal findings although they couldn't rule out clenched fists which can also be an indicator. We can rule out the clenched fists as we have a picture of Nugget high fiving the screen. I know she has 5 fingers on her left hand.

It's amazing how much you love and care about this little being inside of you before they are even born. If we worry this much before she even gets here, how are we going to be once she's here? I don't want to be one of those overprotective, hypochondriac parents I see on a daily basis who bring their kid to the ER at the first sign of a snot bubble. I don't think we'll be those kind of parents, at least I hope we won't.

On a better note, Nugget weighed in at a whopping 12 ounces at the ultrasound. Someone at work last night dubbed her Bud Light. So let's cheers to a healthy Bud Light.

Phew, that was close.

We had our 20 week anatomy scan today. It was so nice to see Nugget moving all around. Unfortunately due to my anterior placenta, I won't really be feeling her acrobatics for a little while longer. Although I have felt little twinges now and again which I attribute to gas, in reality it is probably our little worm moving around.

Today was an interesting day. First off, the office called early to see if we wanted to change the appointment time. Our original time was scheduled for 2pm but due to the impending "blizzard" we went in at 10:30am. Ten thirty doesn't sound like too bad of a time, but when you just worked until 3:30am, then came home and chatted with your wife til 4, it seems very early. We got there on time even though we didn't get up until 9:50 and the office is about 25 minutes away. Then we sat there in the waiting room for about 30 minutes before getting called in. I hopped up onto the table in a small little closet being passed off as an ultrasound room. All was well in the beginning, Nugget is in there sucking her thumb, constantly holding her hands up to her face, little ankles crossed. After about 15 minutes I found myself not really enjoying the temperature of the room. I took my sweatshirt off, which made it better for about 3 minutes. My legs started feeling funny, kind of tingly. I kept thinking, am I going to puke? I'm laying there, can't focus on what the tech is doing, my back is sweating. I don't know who realized something was up either the tech or Ros, but I'm glad someone did. I rolled onto my left side and got a cool paper towel, and after a few minutes I was ok. I don't know if I was vagaling myself laying on my vena cava so long or what, but phew, that was close.

After my near syncopal episode, Nugget decided to be stubborn and not let the tech get a good look at her spine. The tech told me to take a few minutes and walk around the office to try to get her to roll. We went out, I looked ridiculous pacing and jiggling my belly. But all my hard work paid off as Nugget had flipped completely over and we got a perfect shot of her spine. All looked good with the scan. It's funny, as the tech was measuring everything (head and arms) they all measured a bit over 20 weeks. When she got to her legs, 19w 3d. Hilarious, this little peanut is going to have short stubby legs just like her mama.

Good thing we had our "unofficial" ultrasound at 15 weeks and clearly saw Nuggets three little girly lines because this stubborn little princess was being very modest today. Either her legs were crossed or closely together the whole scan. The tech couldn't be sure if Nugget is still a nuggette, but she didn't see any boy parts the whole time, so she says 75% girl.

I can't believe we're almost halfway through. I'm still feeling good. My new annoyance of the week is hearing my heartbeat in my R ear. It's not there all the time, only about 80% of the time. It's pretty annoying, but there isn't anything I can do for it. My blood pressure is fine and there is no infection to be seen so we'll chalk it up to my doubling blood volume and since I can't drain myself, I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Baby Belly

Wow, I can't believe how much I've popped over the past few weeks. I finally feel like I'm starting to look pregnant instead of just fat and bloated. I have to say it's a nice feeling. It's also great to have a wife who is absolutely obsessed with my belly. I can't wait to see her fall in love with it more and more as it starts to become it's own entity.

With the belly also comes some anxiety over it being touched by complete strangers. People ask me if I mind if others touch my belly, answer is, if I know you, touch away. Rub it for good luck, rub it to put yourself in a better mood, I don't care. If I have never met you before, touch it and risk getting touched back, and I assure you it won't be in such a nice way. I'll just blame it on the hormones.

Ros and I will be going for our anatomy scan on Weds. Very excited to take another peak at nugget. Hopefully her girly parts will still be girl parts and she hasn't sprouted a penis in the last month. Not that I would mind a boy, but thinking she's a girl for this long I've come to love the idea, and the cute little outfits Ros has picked up along the way. I'm pretty confident we won't see any "growth" in a couple days.

I can't believe we'll be half-way through this pregnancy next week. Although I hope that I am already half way through this week as 38 weeks would be plenty of time for her to be healthy without giving her too much time to pile on the pounds. I am really hoping for a natural birth, but if this kids 10lbs, forget it.

How lucky we are

This pregnancy has reminded us how lucky we are. There are plenty of people out there who struggle for support and can't afford the baby basics. Nickie and I are fortunate to have....Craigslist. Just kidding (but not really because I LOVE IT!).

We're flooded with friends and family giving us just about everything we need. Furniture, carriages, carriers, toys, clothes, etc, etc, ETC. Showers are in the works already. People have already volunteers to babysit for out "date nights" (and we're going to remember who you are!). I just can't believe the amount of enthusiasm people have had. It's gotten us even more excited.

Thank-you to everyone so far. You've made it an amazing process so far. We feel so lucky to have such generous people around us.

Baby update: Nickie's 18 weeks along. The baby belly has arrived (and I LOVE IT (almost as much as Craigslist;))). Nugget had an easily detectable heartbeat at the last midwife's appointment. Next ultrasound is next Wednesday. Hopefully she'll have some soft tissue by now...

-Ros

Helpful hints

I wish I could hold seminars for lesbians trying to conceive. Now I am not claiming to be some sort of fertility expert, and I know that we are lucky to have gotten pregnant so fast, but reading some lesbians journeys trying to conceive just makes me so frustrated.

Before we started, Ros bought me The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth for Christmas. We read that book cover to cover (minus a few chapters that didn't pertain to me at all). I made it my mission to become the most fertile dyke I could be, mainly because I wanted to limit Ros's exposure to semen. I mean we're lesbians, and one of the biggest perks of being so is not having to be around that sticky, smelly stuff. Also, I didn't want to burn through our entire life savings on buying stuff that men just waste on a daily basis.

Months before even thinking of trying, I was vigilant on temping every morning. I started a regimen of herbal supplements and vitamins that I thought would help my cycle and my body. I drank organic fertility tea daily that I made from scratch even when we went on vacation. I exercised and tried eating organically (most of the time). I even tried to do a body cleanse which sent me running for toilets in various places due to the "colon cleansing aspect". Ros became intimately familiar with my cervix and what it's texture and position meant for my impending ovulation. It wasn't easy and sometimes not very pleasant. It really isn't my personality to live this kind of lifestyle, but I knew what I wanted, what we wanted, and wanted to make it as easy as possible to get there. I also read the book Making Babies, which takes eastern and western philosophies on fertility and incorporated some of those into my life, like eating "warm" foods to help become pregnant. I felt like it was my job to groom the fertile environment within me. I read this was important in some hippie type book I stumbled across and thought that nothing could be truer. You wouldn't throw seeds in some chemical filled nasty dirt and expect them to sprout into beautiful flowers.

I really just feel bad for some of the posts I read on babycenter. I just read over and over again women who are failing mainly because they just don't know their cycle and their body. They use ovulation predictors but don't really know what those predictors mean for them. They are unaware of the time their mucus is most fertile, before or after ovulation. I found that to be one of the helpful signs. The list goes on.

My advice for everyone trying to conceive is to make your body into a science experiment. Try and gather as much information as you possibly can about your fertility signs and your cycle. Write it down each month. Temp and use OPK's to see how long after your OPK turns positive that you actually ovulate. Eat well and exercise. Drink fertility tea. And when all else fails get a St. Gerard medal (the patron saint of motherhood) and wear it daily. Although I am a "recovering" catholic and really not religious at all, Sue at Ros's work got us each a medal because she swears by the power of it. Well we started wearing it and we got pregnant that month. Call it coincidence, but we didn't take that medal off until my first trimester passed. Here we are almost 18 weeks along and all is well.

Last "unofficial" ultrasound... I mean it!!!

Woohoo, girlie parts. I am excited to be having a little girl, although for some reason I feel as though I would be more equipped to handle a boy, why, I'm really not sure. Maybe it's because in my non-maternity state I like wearing boy clothes so I enjoy little boy outfits a bit more than the frills and lace of the girlier variety? I'm really not sure. At least now one question doesn't have to be answered, to circumcise or not to circumcise... How the heck could I decide, I don't have a penis...

So thus comes the end of our unofficial ultrasounds, this brings our total ultrasoundage to 6. It was just so tempting to be able to take a peak at her every few weeks while bored at work waiting for my shift to end. Unfortunately with the joy also comes my neurosis (due to incessant Internet searches) that I did something wrong by ultrasounding too much. Really are ultrasounds safe??? I guess they are pretty safe, but not 100%. I just hope we didn't give her some sort of brain damage from all those sound waves bouncing off her developing little brain and ears. I know I'm being paranoid and neurotic, but I can't help myself. I think I'm just preparing myself for a lifetime of neurotic thoughts, are vaccinations safe? Is that the right school to send her to? Should I bubble wrap her before she leaves the house? It's overwhelming now to think that the choices I make now while she is still growing inside me could possibly affect her for the rest of her life...

What's done is done, and I'm going to try not to stress to much about what I can't change. I can now be excited about pink outfits, ponytails, princess outfits, and dolls galore... Or maybe she'll turn out to be my little tomboy clone who wants to play in the mud in her overalls and wouldn't even think of putting on a dress??? I guess only time will tell us what her personality is all about, for now all I hope is that she is healthy and the cutest little peanut around.
-Nickie