Now... Honestly, I'm not sure what "a mother's guilt" is really supposed to mean. I have my own interpretation, which I shall share.
Since Dillon was born, I have felt guilty about everything and anything I do. Here's a list:
-During my leave, I felt guilty for leaving my staff and co-workers for 7 weeks during a staff crunch
-I also felt guilty not making money during those 7 weeks
-I felt guilty leaving Nickie with the baby for those 2 shifts I did decide to go in during my leave
-Now, I feel guilty that Nickie has the baby's lips super glued to her boobs for months on end and I can't share in the inconvenience
-I feel guilty that the dogs are treated like they used to and don't get as many walks
-I feel guilty leaving work with loose ends because I want to get the hell out of there the second my shift is up
-I feel guilty when I sleep most of the night when I have to work the next day when Nickie gets up a good chunk of the night
-I feel guilty when my brain is not into my work, whether its from lack of sleep or just not having my head in the game
-I feel guilty leaving Nickie 40 hours a week
-I feel guilty leaving Dillon for all that time too
-I felt guilty letting the lawn look like crap over the summer. I hope the neighbors don't hate us
-I feel guilty knowing I could be making a lot more money anywhere else so we wouldn't worry about money as much
-I feel guilty that we used an unknown donor
-I feel guilty taking so many gifts from people for the baby. It's just too much.
-I feel guilty that I can't give as much time to my friends as I used to
-I feel guilty if I'm with my friends and not at home with the baby
The fuel for this: I was at one of my oldest and closest friend's wedding tonight. It was the first time we left Dillon with my parents. We had a great time, but I would get these waves of nausea thinking that we left her with people who don't know her quirks (even though its my parents). THEN, I got zapped with guilt that I knew I had to leave early to alleviate this.
In summary, here is my perpetual feeling: Rock--->Ros<---Hard Place
the end
-Ros
There is definitely a sense of guilt involved in parenting, but as long as you are trying your best and assuming responsibility, there really is nothing to feel guilty about. You are doing a great job and that little girl is very loved.
ReplyDeleteOh Ros, Have you met my wife? I think you two would get along swimmingly ;)
ReplyDelete