2 Chicks 1 Kid

The dust is settling...

2011-07-25T20:39:00.007-04:00

We've been sucked into a whirlwind the past few weeks and have finally been spit out 7 miles away in our new home. We moved over the weekend. The summer has been perfect... except for this weekend where we had record breaking heat. Luckily, we hired movers, so we just had the unfortunate task of watching large, strong men sweat like they were in Hell as they dragged our stuff out of our house and up to our new 2nd floor apartment. That's not to say it was not chaos and stressful. We're renting the house, so we've been primping and prepping the past few weeks to make hospitable. One of our last preps was to call an exterminator to spray the yellow jacket nest our poor dachshunds found under the deck; some stinger extractions, benadryl and aspirin later, the dogs are just fine but a bit more wary of where they step.

Luckily for us, my parents jumped at the chance of taking the baby and dogs for the actual move, which saved our sanity. Dillon has never, and will never be, a sit on the side lines kind of girl. I can picture her flying around the house tripping movers at every turn. Thanks, mom and dad!

Our other big news is... Dillon is 1! It was really a great day. We went to a farm with my brother, then we went to the Cheesecake Factory with the rest of the family, where Dillon ate her body weight in bread, bananas, chicken, veggies, pork, fries, and of course, banana cheesecake.

And... she taking some steps. It takes some conjuring, but she'll take about a half dozen before squatting to the floor. Crawling is still the preferred mode of transportation, but we're getting there.

-Ros

With Mama and Mommy at the Cheesecake Factory

With the my family

Dillon loves her Grammy and Puppa!

Walking with Grammy

Dillon with her banana Cheesecake!

We have to make sure everyone knows where the goats are.

Walking with Mama!

Sidewalk surfing

Dillon and Uncle Mark

One of my favorites from her birthday shoot

She was so excited to be leaning against the tree! I love that it doesn't take much to humor her still.

She's 1!

On the move!

2011-06-02T15:03:00.002-04:00

What happened to our little baby? It feels as if overnight Dillon has grown into this rambunctious, inquisitive, little girl. I can't believe we'll be celebrating her 1st birthday in 1 month.

Month 10 was an amazing one. Dillon is now crawling, cruising, standing unassisted (for a second or 2 at a time), babbling, eating big people food, and getting into EVERYTHING. I know she could walk without the aid of her wagon or baby stroller if she'd just give it a try. She practically runs when she has got 2 fingers to grab onto.

We have a little daredevil on our hands. I know this kid's going to love roller coasters once she can make the height requirement. She loves to hang upside down when someone holds onto her ankles. She squeals with delight when you pretend to drop her. She's crazy, and I love it.

Dillon also loves food. Give her anything, she'll eat it. She loves feeding herself, we just have to pace the amount we give her at a time because she likes to squirrel it away in her little cheeks. She even did great when Ros gave her something spicy by accident when we were out for indian buffet the other day. Her face was priceless, and a bite of naan and a sip of water later, all was right with the world.

We are also the proud mothers of our very own chatterbox. Dillon talks up a storm, all day, everyday. Her favorite things to say are, "whass dat?, dada, who's dat?, yesh, shoes, socks" and to my delight finally, "mama". Although she doesn't really say mama in reference to me or Ros, it's nice to here some M sounds instead of the incessant dada.

Lastly, my most favorite part of month 10 has been Dillon learning how to give hugs. She started doing this a week ago with her dollies, now I can ask for a hug and she puts her little arms around my neck, her face squished against mine, and she squeezes. It is the most heartwarming feeling I think I have ever experienced in my life. I'm so glad she's ours!

-Nickie

In addition to food, Dillon loves trying to eat mulch.

She loves pushing Simba around in her wagon.

Contemplating the world at 10 months.

She loves her Ikea tunnel.

Spring has Sprung!

2011-05-01T19:01:00.008-04:00

Spring is here and with is comes change: lots of it for us!

We're moving! After living in our house for 3 years, we've decided to move. I've always had the option of becoming a dorm parent at the arts high school I work at (wanna see it? http://www.walnuthillarts.org/). It entails being responsible for a handful of students 1-2 nights a week in exchange for free room and board. I've fought it for a long time because I worried about becoming a nurse 24/7. But, since I have been working there for 4 years, Ifeel that I'm more comfortable with setting boundaries and ensuring that my time is mine.
As much as we love our house, it just doesn't make sense to stay in it. It's nauseating to think of the money we'll save. On top of that, the food is good, the people are great, we'll have more baby sitters and dog walkers than we can count, and Dillon will be one of 12 kids on campus under 5 years old. It's been hard not having a lot of people close to us with kids. Now, there will be 4 in our building alone! We'll rent the house and try it for a year. I'm really hoping we like and can do it for a few years (or more). The campus is in a beautiful area and Dillon would be in a school district we wouldn't be able to afford otherwise. Am I getting ahead of myself? Maybe a little...

Dillon's on the move! She's everywhere. She's crawling. She's cruising. She can push her wagon around the house. No place within 3 feet of the floor is safe. Every morning, the house starts out clean. By 6:30am, it's destroyed. Everything that was on the coffee table is on the floor within seconds of her pulling up on it. I can't believe how fast she is!

And she's just getting more and more amazing. She waves at everyone who walks by. Once she gets going, she's waving with both hands, chatting and blowing kisses; we call it "The Dillon Show". Her stranger anxiety is minimal. The only time she cries is if someone holds her before she's had a minute to scope them out. Within about 2 minutes, she'll go to anyone. She even reaches out for people she doesn't know. Again, I might be getting ahead of myself, but social issues are not something I worry about when I think about her growing up.

And she's tall! 30.5 inches (98th percentile) at her 9 month appointment! Her weight was 19lbs 6oz, which is only 60th percentile. She's shaped like a 3 year old- some belly but not a ton of meat. She eats a lot, but all that movement must be burning it away. I wish I had that problem!

Nickie's still working 24 hours a week: 3pm to 3am twice a week. It's really getting to her. There are some nights she goes to bed at 4am, and others, she gets up at 5:30am with Dill. I give her credit for doing it this long, because it just seems awful. She's always slept like crap, but is ridiculous. Her body doesn't know what the hell's going on. Although she likes her job, she's been looking for something different. Luckily, having no living expenses will give her more options if she finds a job that doesn't pay as well or doesn't have as many hours. We'll see what happens. The option of just not working is there, but I think we both know she might go nuts! I hope she can find something with reasonable hours that will make her happy.

There's the updates for the month. Happy Spring! -Ros
Easter with family
She LOVES the tub!!!
Showing off her dirty hands

This is from her 9 month shoot. I had to put her month sticker on her butt; it's the only place she can't pull it off!
We went on a sushi picnic this week!

March Recap

2011-03-22T19:51:00.010-04:00

It's really unbelievable how fast time flies once you become a parent. People say this all the time but until you start to experience it for yourself, you cannot truly understand it. As we start approaching 9 months since Dillon graced us with her presence, I start to think about how that tiny little newborn has blossomed into this awesome big baby. It's true that a picture says a thousand words, it's just sad that they can't also convey a personality. We have 18.5lbs of it in little Dillon May.

She is quite the performer, always clapping and waving to get every body's attention. I read that at this age they start displaying stranger anxiety, should I be worried that we haven't yet? Dillon loves strangers. Usually after a quick glance at us to make sure the situation is ok, she will pretty much go to anyone and let them hold her. She seeks out the attention of strangers in stores, and has made the day of many nana's and papa's while we've been out and about.

We found many new skills in the past month. The one that has changed our lives the most is your ability to crawl "the right way". She's been rolling and scooting for months but now Dillon looks like a real baby crawling EVERYWHERE. She's in the living room, in the kitchen, then into the bathroom. She loves exploring anything she can. She also has mastered pulling up on everything, thus thrusting us into cruiser ville. Nothing stays on the coffee table for long these days.

Dillon is an eating machine. We have yet to find a food that she doesn't agree with, except stage 3 baby food which causes her to gag and almost puke. Just something about puree with chunks that doesn't sit right with her, can't say that I blame her. She loves everything from miso soup, to kiwi, to cheeseburgers. I want to record her chowing down her veggies so I can play it back in a year when she's going through her white foods only phase. She's awesome.

Another skill we've started to develop is her ability to sign. Dillon knows how to sign "more", "milk", "hi", and "bye". Not too bad for an 8 month old. Ros took her to a 4 week free course at the library and the teacher was impressed that she signed duck and phone back to her after she had just taught her. She hasn't repeated either of those to us, but at least she did it for her.

Lastly, I'd like to report that Nugget 2.0's genetic material is now in our possession. After a complaint to the Better Business Bureau, our cryotank arrived on Tuesday. Now we have them safely stored 20 minutes away, phew. Hopefully we won't need more than four because even if the bank reopens, I'm sure we burned our bridge with that complaint.

She loves swings.

and pretending she's playing Wii.

Vote for Dillon!

2011-03-15T11:51:00.002-04:00

Dillon is a finalist in the Discovery Health Cutest Baby Face-off. There's 3 weeks of voting online. She wins nothing and the fact that people can vote as many times as they want is ridiculous, but we're into it anyways!

If you have nothing else to do, please vote for her!
http://health.discovery.com/tv/baby-week/cutest-baby-face-off/

Kick Cass's ass!

7 month updates!

2011-02-12T22:05:00.006-05:00

There is a light at the end of this miserable snow tunnel. It's supposed to hit 50 degrees at the end of the week! It's inspired me to write!

1) NE Winters Suck:
The snow's been awful here. The ceilings in our kitchen, dining room and 2 bedrooms leaked due to ice dams. The bedroom ceilings are destroyed. It didn't matter what we did, there was no way to get through the 6+ inches of ice on the roof without putting a chainsaw to it. Hopefully, with the help of our homeowners' insurance, it will be a distant memory soon.
2) A questionable number 2:
Nickie and I are on a message board for the sperm bank we used. We got wind that they were shutting down for "reorganization". Some said it was bankruptcy, some think it's an FDA investigation. We do know that orders abruptly stopped. We called and emailed to have our 4 stored vials of Dillon's donor shipped here to store locally, but never heard back. Our next child (who we aren't planning on bringing to fruition for a while) is in genetic limbo. We're not sure what to do next. I guess we'll see how the story evolves for a few more weeks.
3) Coming to a catalog near you?
I brought Dillon to an open call for a modeling agency last month. I brought her to the call on Saturday and they accepted her on Monday morning. We went back and forth about whether she should really do it for a while. We worried the pressure to get her ready- the call alone was a bit stressful to get her up and out by 8am. We worried about the distance we'd have to go- the agency represents publications from Maine to NJ. We worried about the cost- There's an upfront investment of $175. We have to pay this once to have her photos edited every 2 months until she's 3.
In the end, we did it. We figure if a job works for us and our schedules, great. If not, we'll just turn it down. It would be kind of cool to see her in a catalog or ad and I think she'll actually enjoy it. She loves attention and new people. Obviously, if we have a bad experience, we'll just stop.
4) Defattening:
We're getting there. Nickie and I have been dieting since new years. It's been slow, but we're both losing and feeling a lot better. Hooray for not being fat moms!

Here's some photos we took this week.

Dillon came to visit me at work!

Tutu pics!

We hope everyone's staying warm!

-Ros

Rolling along

2011-01-28T15:22:00.005-05:00

I can't believe it's been almost 7 months that we've had Dillon in our lives, minus the time she made my uterus her residence. It's amazing that in 7 short months our lives would be changed in so many ways. How do you love something so much in such a short amount of time? I guess it's just one of those mysteries of motherhood.

Dillon is doing great. Eating, babbling (favorite word being da da), and almost crawling, oh my. Currently she has her own way of getting places which is army rolling all over the place. It's really cute and she gets really far. She always looks so proud of herself when she gets somewhere out of sight and then we find her, her face lights up. She can get on her hands and knees and lift her belly off the floor then rock (hump) back and forth. Sometimes she gets up on her tippy toes and hands, then falls back to the ground. I'm nervous that full-on crawling is right around the corner because mommies have some serious baby-proofing to do. Another one of her current obsessions is her jumperoo. She sees it and starts making jumping motions, she loves it. A bonus is that it can usually hold her attention for about 15-20 minutes, just long enough for me to pump.

As far as our breastfeeding goes, not so good lately. Dillon is just not that interested (patient) in the boob anymore. We nurse once a day in the morning but that's usually it. Other times of the day, she is just too distracted and prefers the mobility of the bottle. I'm not that sad about it, as we've had our problems from the beginning. I pump as much as I can so she can still get some breast milk, but we also have been supplementing with formula. We found a formula that Dillon loves, Baby's Only. I feel good about supplementing with it as I did a lot of research beforehand and think it's the best we can give her besides my milk. I have to say I can see why people throw in the towel early on the breastfeeding, formula is WAY easier. But I still believe that breast milk is best.

Dillon is doing great on her solids. She loves oatmeal, apples, bananas, pears, butternut squash, sweet potatoes, and prunes. She is not a fan of meat (but if you saw what I made you'd probably not be a fan either) or avocados. I can't wait til she starts putting pieces in her mouth. It will be too cute.

Sitting pretty during her 6 month photo shoot. It's proving to be very difficult to get a good shot now that she is so mobile.

I just like this one. Looking like a cave baby in the morning.
-Nickie

Kids make you fat.

2011-01-07T19:10:00.006-05:00

It's true. I'm blaming the baby for me getting fat. Even though I'm a non-bio mom, I gained about 15lb since she was born. And Nickie hadn't lost anything since walking out of the hospital in July. Is it the lack of sleep? Stress? Lack of energy? The fact the we eat anything that can go in a microwave or pick up in a drive though? Probably a combo. Regardless, Nickie and I put an end to it on New Years.

Nickie and I decided we didn't want to be fat moms. We don't want to be on the sidelines when we could be playing too. Deep down I worry that Dillon will be stigmatized for having 2 moms already. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we were fit, attractive moms instead of lumpy, dumpy moms. We were definitely going down the lumpy, dumpy path; I wore the same fat jeans for most of the holidays and we had both transitioned to sweats by Dec 30.

We went carb-free. I've always been a Weight Watchers girl, but my mom has had great results with South Beach, so we're giving it a shot. So far, it hasn't been too bad. All the protein is filling. Meat and cheese is still allowed. There's no counting points or calories. There's a lot of sugar-free alternatives to things we like, like popsicles, fudgicles and even chocolate milk. Instead of having a carb with meals, we're just doubling up on veggies.

Don't get me wrong; Bread, pasta, rice, sweets, cereal, potatoes and fruit have been sorely missed. The cravings were bad for a few days and seeing McD's commercials are plain painful. There have been some moments that have required restraint, for sure.

I'm down 5lbs since last Saturday, so it's definitely working. Nickie's down too, but she's more patient than me and hasn't weighed herself to get a number. The first 2 weeks, South Beachers are expected to lose 8-13lbs, then a few unrefined carbs can be introduced (yay!).

Dillon has been fighting our diet. She's had some wretched nights. 2 of the 3 mornings I planned to go to the gym were squashed from Dill only letting us sleep 3-5 hours a night. We're going to read the Ferber book and we'll hopefully "Ferberize" her in the next few weeks to get her to sleep through the night. Nickie and I were warned that we'll be up for a few nights until Dillon gets in the groove, so we're working on scheduling a few marathon nights where we won't have to function during the day.

Here are a few photos from the last week. Dillon and I are doing a swimming class together. She LOVES water. She did a great job!

Nickie tried out our new (used) backpack after it snowed. Dillon seemed to like it (much more than her face portrays). We found another enjoyable activity! And, I just like the last photo. =)

-Ros

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:06:00.006-05:00

We just wanted to say Happy Holiday and Happy New Year! From, Ros, Nickie and Dillon

Where are the brakes?!

2010-12-19T10:57:00.003-05:00

(AM Dillon, before the hair battle =))

Every day, Dillon's a little different: a little older. She's ripping through her milestones. Rolling, grabbing, playing, sitting up, teeth, food and now she can move on her belly. Granted, she goes backwards, but I don't think forward is far off. When she sits on your lap, she moves around like she wants to get down. She can't stay still.

I thought we had more time with our little stationary baby?! She's only 5 months old for pete sake! I hope she slows down a bit because we can't keep up!

She's got SUCH a personality. She's a ham for crowds. If she wants something, she lets you know. She's starting to know to smile when the camera comes out. She's chatty and seems convinced she's an active participant in conversations.

Where did out little, yellow, feeble, knobby kneed newborn go?!

Thankful

2010-11-25T20:27:00.005-05:00

Sitting pretty with mamas and Nanny.

I'm thankful for Dillon. I'm not only thankful for myself, but for the joy she has brought so many in the 4 months she's been here. Especially for my family, which has endured some pretty upsetting Thanksgiving holidays over the past couple of years.

2 years ago today my grandfather, my jiddo, choked on a piece of bread that led him to pass away a week later. That was the worst Thanksgiving ever. Seeing him in the ER, intubated and posturing, knowing that it would have been better if he wouldn't have been resucitated, was heartbreaking.

Last thanksgiving my mother was in the hospital dying of cancer, refusing blood transfusions because she was worried she would get AIDS. That Thanksgiving sucked too.

But this Thanksgiving practically erased all of those bad memories because Dillon has come into our lives. She is all my family ever talks about. They live about an hour away so they cherish each visit we make. I'm so greatful that I have been able to bring this joy to them.

I'm thankful that Dillon's 2 great grandmothers are around to enjoy her. It's so cute watching her sit on their lap and laugh at them. Dillon loves old people.

And that is what I'm thankful for. -Nickie

With Sit Sit (great grandmother) and Auntie Rachael

Community Lost

2010-11-21T20:55:00.011-05:00

After 122 years, my childhood church held its last sermon. Because of finances and lack of membership, it could no longer stay a float; a story like many other churches. I went there from ages 3 to 22'ish. My mom was the secretary there for many years. My best friend went there. It was a place I spent my Sundays in Sunday School and in sermon. My summers were spent at Vacation Bible School and church camp. I have fond memories of potluck lunches, singing and end of the year bbq's. The members were a pseudo-family to me. I have exponential memories there that I hadn't thought much about for a long time. Now that my memories are surfacing, I'm at a loss.

I went to the farwell dinner last week and the last sermon today. I brought Dillon. It felt like I had never left. Even when I hadn't been around for years, people still knew a lot of what I was doing. I saw adults that I cared for when they were in diapers. I saw people who cared for me the same way. Everyone adored Dillon and held her like their own. I was hugged tight and long. I was home again.

I have feelings of grief, guilt and many others. One of my feelings is about Dillon. I wish she has what I had. I want her to have a sense of community. I want her to experience people who have a common cause and investment in eachother. I want her to have plentiful interactions beyond electronic. I worry that she'll miss out. I worry that she will lack the positive influences that I had.

Nickie and I have talked about it quite a few times and have both felt that religion is just not important in our lives at this point. I don't know where to go from here with this, but I want to do something.

No News is Good News

2010-11-20T20:49:00.002-05:00

Sorry we haven't posted much. Life is just status quo. It's sad that only anger, stress or chaos are inspiring, isn't it?

Dillon's 4 months old now. She's been a blast the last few weeks. She's dying to become mobile, as witnessed by the continued constant flipping on her belly, realizing she can't crawl yet, then screaming. I'm nervous about how active she's going to be because she's ready to move and groove since day one.

I'm currently listening to the monitor waiting for the scream; this is our first night not swaddling. We're trying out the "Magic Sleep Suit" to transition. So far, so good. She napped in it earlier today for almost 2 hours (which is great when her naps are generally spirits rather than marathons). She's been in bed for 2 hours now and I haven't heard anything since I put her down. The last few nights she would scream like someone was stabbing her after she'd been in bed an hour. No phantom stabbings tonight, so I consider it a success.

What else... I have the week off, which is EXCELLENT. It's been a rough few months since I went back to work. I feel like I'm addicted to my daughter, so leaving for 8-12 hours without seeing her induces pain that is almost physical. Thankfully, Nickie can visit on most days for a quick fix. I can't express the excitement I have over my week-long binge.

Here are a few new pics. As you can see, Dillon had her first bath in the big tub. She loved it. I see swim classes in the near future.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Ros

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T21:34:00.003-04:00

Nickie's working so Dill and I went to see my parents, came home and I put her to bed. Not a very exciting day. She'll have her 10/31 fun soon enough. I didn't take trick-or-treaters this year; Dillon's been asleep by 7pm most nights and Tucker (one of our dachshunds) barks whenever someone comes to the door. It was not a combination I wanted to deal with tonight.

I did a photo shoot just for fun this AM. Though I don't want to rush things, I'm looking forward to Dillon being able to sit up on her own for photo reasons. I spend half the time propping her back up (the other half is spent making faces like an idiot, but whatever it takes to get the shot!).

We hope you had a nice Halloween! -Ros

On a Roll!

2010-10-26T20:34:00.003-04:00

Dillon is rolling over! Back to front and front to back! Though, when she rolls over on her belly, she seems to forget that she knows how to roll back and gets pretty upset. I've enjoyed watching her flip all night. Every time she does it, she looks so proud. The physical therapist I work with tells me how exceptionally strong Dillon is whenever she sees her. She's blowing past milestone after milestone like it's some sort of competition.

She's also been grabbing at things. She made her first mess by pushing a bag of frozen corn over while hanging out on the counter in her bumbo. She seems to always scope the area to find something to get her moist mitts on to shove in her mouth.

Speaking of moist...what's with the drool? She's been a faucet every waking minute for about a month now. All the cute clothes are for not, since they either get drenched or need to be covered by a huge, unfortunate bib. My only hope of keeping her dry is using a portable suction machine...(a girl can dream, right?)

Here's a pic from last week. Her hair is starting to curl more and is beyond her shoulders in the back. It's getting pretty unruly, but I can't bring myself to cut it yet. Like Nickie says, if you're going to go through an awkard hair phase, it might as well be while you're a baby. -Ros

a little something...

2010-10-18T21:48:00.003-04:00

Ros's new hobby... LOVE IT! Just wanted to share.

Happy Conception Day!!!

2010-10-13T15:24:00.005-04:00

Dillon is 3 months already. It's amazing how time can feel so fast, yet so slow at the same time. That's how pregnancy felt, daily it felt at a snails pace but when you look at it's entirety it was like a blink of an eye. How amazing that a human being can go from a sperm and egg to a real person in less than 10 months, crazy. Today is the day when Dillon was conceived. It's crazy how we know the exact day, but as a lesbian trying to conceive, you know the exact day of everything.

I've been back to work for a total of 3 shifts already. As sad as it is to leave Dillon for that long, it's nice for her and Ros to have their own bonding time. The transition has been pretty smooth, we were concerned about Dillon taking a bottle as she went on a small bottle strike a couple weeks before my return, but everything is fine now. It's great to have some adult conversation now and then, and to be told how beautiful my daughter is constantly isn't half bad either.

The most stressful part for me returning back to work has been pumping every 2-3 hours. The working world isn't set up for nursing mothers, especially when you are employed in a busy ER. Legally your workplace has to give you the time and a place to pump. The designated place in my hospital is a room on the 5th floor where you are lucky if the people up there can find the key. When you work in a busy ER, you try to find 10-15 minutes here and there to go and pump so your boobs don't explode or cause your milk supply to tank. I do not have the time between patients to mozy on up to the 5th floor and pray they find the key. So I resort (and all the other nursing mothers) to pumping in the bathroom in the back where our locker room is.

Pumping in a restroom is almost as gross as trying to nurse in one. There have been many a time when my chance to pump is right after another persons time to shit. So there I am, sitting in a room that smells like a septic tank, boobs out, milking myself like Bessie the cow. Thank gawd that the nose acclimates to its surroundings quickly or I would probably pass out. Another thing to be grateful for is my new IPhone, so now I can pump while listening to Melissa Ferrick or whatever else strikes me.

I am committed to breastfeeding Dillon for at least a year, and I have been toying with the idea that if we can make it that long that I will let her wean herself after that point. There will be a 2 year maximum to that plan of course because I think it's creepy when a 5 year-old is picking up moms shirt looking for a drink.

Dillon is turning out to be one great baby. The first 6 weeks had to be the hardest of my life with her crying all the time and me probably having a touch of post partum depression. Now she is a joy. She is pretty content most of the time minus being tired or hungry. She is interactive and inquisitive. She can keep herself entertained under her play gym for up to 45 minutes (if I'm lucky) in the morning so I can make myself breakfast. Dillon loves being around and watching other kids play. She is almost rolling over, getting about half way there and then getting stuck on an arm. I am totally cool with waiting for her to do that because once she does it that's it, no more alone time on the couch while I run into the other room for a minute. She's found her hands, which put a kink in our professional photos we did today as she kept on trying to suck on her index finger. We have a bedtime routine. Dillon is usually in her crib between 7-8 after Ros reads her stories and I nurse her, she'll sleep til about 2-3 then nurse and it's back to sleep til 8-9. I know we are very lucky to have such a good night sleeper. Naps are a crap shoot, but the night routine is down so we have 2 happy mamas.

Diaper change

2010-09-23T14:20:00.002-04:00

I remember as a soon-to-be parent I had some pretty idealistic notions about parenting and the things I would and wouldn't do once our precious Nugget arrived. Once you become a parent and reality hits hard, you learn to take things one day at a time.

One of the things I said I would never do is let the TV be my child's babysitter. Although it's true that I will not let Dillon be a total couch potato when she gets older, I am already guilty of letting the TV mesmerize my child. Dillon has been obsessed with the TV ever since she was about a week old. I didn't even know babies that young even noticed things like TV but boy did she. There were times when she would be crying endlessly until she caught a glimpse of the glowing screen and ta da, silence. We would cover her eyes or divert her view and the crying would start up again, then she'd see it again and voila, silence again. Now even though this worked to stop the insanity, we didn't use it to our advantage, after all we don't want her to develop newborn ADD. But I am guilty of strapping her in her bouncy seat and turning on Arthur so I could take a quick shower. Although it worked like a charm, it will not become a habit of mine, just an occasional pleasure.

Another thing I was hard set against was using traditional diapers. I had fleeting (and I mean fleeting) thoughts of cloth diapering. But the idea of shaking "solid waste" into the toilet and doing endless shitty diaper laundry in addition to all the other responsibilities was too overwhelming. Next best thing in my mind was to use the chlorine-free, fully compostable, hippie sort of diapers. You know, 7th Generation and Earth's Best, etc, etc. I really have given them all a good ol' college try, but I find for our little pooping machine they just aren't worth the extra money to buy them. Whole Foods brand are WAY over sized. I bought a package of their size 2 which were made for babies 6-14 lbs and they were huge on Dillon. She's a big girl and we were using these when she was about 11lbs, I don't know who thought up the idea that these would fit a newborn. Maybe they would work if you wanted to wrap the entire baby into the diaper??? Next we tried 7th Generation. I don't mind the tan, non-bleached color of these diapers, I minded the fact that these weren't made for a girl with a little junk in her trunk. These are apparently the thong version of diapers, not a fan. We haven't used Earth's Best since our first few weeks and I don't remember the problem we had with them, so maybe I'll give those another whirl. For now, we'll stick with my favorite bleached to the nines, earth destroying Pampers Sensitive Swaddlers. They fit her the best, hardly ever an accident even with her massive explosions. We will never use their regular version with the Dry Max as they gave her blisters on her labia when she was like a week old.

Lastly, I always said we would never give her formula. I am happy to say that aside from the first time she needed it (in the hospital with jaundice) and a couple times after, she has never had any again. Our breastfeeding relationship has improved with a lot of work. It's not easy all of the time, but I know with a little perseverance we can get through whatever challenge is being thrown at us. I am so happy to know that because of my efforts I have grown this child into the 98th percentile that she's in now and I think that's pretty amazing. And the fact that we have no choice but to continue this until she is 1 because she won't drink formula even if we wanted to give it to her. She spits, gags, and acts as if you are trying to poison her. Judging by the smell of that stuff I think I would react the same way. Hopefully my supply will keep up to her growing needs and my return back to work. The new challenge will be finding time to pump every 2-3 hours while working in a busy ER. But feeding my child is my #1 priority, so will be pumping myself like Bessie the cow.

-Nickie

A Mother's Guilt

2010-09-18T21:27:00.004-04:00

First, some of Dillon's 10 week photos:

Now... Honestly, I'm not sure what "a mother's guilt" is really supposed to mean. I have my own interpretation, which I shall share.

Since Dillon was born, I have felt guilty about everything and anything I do. Here's a list:

-During my leave, I felt guilty for leaving my staff and co-workers for 7 weeks during a staff crunch

-I also felt guilty not making money during those 7 weeks

-I felt guilty leaving Nickie with the baby for those 2 shifts I did decide to go in during my leave

-Now, I feel guilty that Nickie has the baby's lips super glued to her boobs for months on end and I can't share in the inconvenience

-I feel guilty that the dogs are treated like they used to and don't get as many walks

-I feel guilty leaving work with loose ends because I want to get the hell out of there the second my shift is up

-I feel guilty when I sleep most of the night when I have to work the next day when Nickie gets up a good chunk of the night

-I feel guilty when my brain is not into my work, whether its from lack of sleep or just not having my head in the game

-I feel guilty leaving Nickie 40 hours a week

-I feel guilty leaving Dillon for all that time too

-I felt guilty letting the lawn look like crap over the summer. I hope the neighbors don't hate us

-I feel guilty knowing I could be making a lot more money anywhere else so we wouldn't worry about money as much

-I feel guilty that we used an unknown donor

-I feel guilty taking so many gifts from people for the baby. It's just too much.

-I feel guilty that I can't give as much time to my friends as I used to

-I feel guilty if I'm with my friends and not at home with the baby

The fuel for this: I was at one of my oldest and closest friend's wedding tonight. It was the first time we left Dillon with my parents. We had a great time, but I would get these waves of nausea thinking that we left her with people who don't know her quirks (even though its my parents). THEN, I got zapped with guilt that I knew I had to leave early to alleviate this.

In summary, here is my perpetual feeling: Rock--->Ros<---Hard Place

the end

-Ros

Two Month Update

2010-09-13T19:29:00.004-04:00

I'm 2 months old!!

The exciting thing this week... tolerating the Bumbo... It took a while.

Things have been a bit hectic, but our world is starting to settle out. I went back to work.... talk about being thrown to the wolves. I went from being home all the time to being bombarded with 293 teenagers and accompanying parents (I don't know which which group is worse). All I think about at work is how much I want to go home. Nothing feels better than dropping my keys in the mudroom, pulling my Danskos off and scooping up Dillon with her gummy smile.

Dillon's 2 month pediatrician visit solidified our assumption that she's a big girl. She is 98th percentile for her height at 24.5 inches. She's 75th'ish percentile for weight at 11lbs 13.5 oz. And she's got a big noggin too at 15.5 inches. That with her milestone being about a month ahead makes me think she's an evolutionary miracle; a 2 month old that's really 3-4 months old...

Dillon's favorite thing now is blowing raspberries. She's mastered the art, especially when she's pissed. She loves watching people stick their tongues out or make mouth noises. Her mouth noise is when I burp in her face, but Nickie's not a fan of me doing that... Dil started making kissy noises today, which is pretty darn cute.

And, not to brag, but she slept 7 hours straight last night. Thank gawd for a night sleeper!

That's about it! We're happy to be out of newborndom!

-Ros

The grass is always greener

2010-08-31T20:59:00.005-04:00

The grass is always greener is a statement that has proven time and time again to be true at various points throughout my life. The last time I really felt this was when Ros and I packed everything up and moved to California to pursue our travel nursing dreams, only to figure out that I really loved New England and couldn't wait to come back. After all, the grass isn't greener in San Diego, it's all brown and dead because there is just too damn much sun.

I always thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now that I've been one for the past week or so, I am really glad I am returning to work part-time. It's not that I don't love spending time with Dillon, because I definitely do. I just miss having adult conversation throughout the day. I was totally spoiled for the first 6ish weeks having Ros home with me to split all the responsibilities, minus the breastfeeding. I could eat when I wanted, there was always someone home to entertain the baby while I showered, we could chat. I find the life of a housewife to be a bit lonely. I'm going to try and find some activities for the baby and I to enjoy together during the last 4 weeks of my maternity leave besides my breastfeeding support group.

Dillon is 7 weeks old already. It's amazing how time flies. Everyone tells you this will happen, and you can't truly appreciate it until you live it. Feels like just yesterday I was wishing her out of me, now sometimes I wish I could just pop her back in for a little while. She's getting way more fun that she was during the first 6 weeks. Those were some of the toughest weeks of my life. I have never really spent that much time with a newborn before so I didn't really know what we were in for. Boy, did we have a cranky baby. Not only a cranky baby, but one that never slept during the day (thankfully she did at night) and would cry and cry when she wasn't attached to my boob. Now we are able to have fun awake time. She coos, giggles, smiles, and is way more interactive. She still has her moments, after all she has a very strong personality, but we are managing. We definitely have a little firecracker on our hands.

Breastfeeding is going better thanks to daily oatmeal, More Milk Plus herbal supplements, and a nightly Guinness. It's certainly not great, but we are managing... Good thing because Dillon HATES formula; she spits, gags, and lets it stream out of the sides of her mouth. I guess we're in it for the long haul. I just hope my boobies can keep up.

Dillon and her early impression of Brittney Spears. Too bad Brit wasn't wearing a onesie.

Dillon's first trip to IKEA.

Sporting some curly hair after a good washing.

Her gender bending outfit. Love it!

First trip to Rockport. Naked because she hates 90 degrees.

-Nickie

Dillon's Big Discovery

2010-08-16T16:40:00.004-04:00

I'm a month old!!

It's been a big week! Dillon made her first big trip, had her first real smiles, and she realized that the chubby extremities that have been poking her in the eyes for the last few weeks can be controlled.

We went to Provincetown for a night last week. For those who don't know Ptown, it's the gay Mecca of the east coast on the very tip of Massachusetts. It's a great place to feel "normal" for a while. The trip took an extra hour and the car was loaded for our 24 hour excursion. Dillon slept almost the whole time in the car; sleeping in the car is a new thing and thank gawd she acquired this talent for the 4 hour trip. We stayed at an inn right behind town hall, which was the perfect location for running back to feed her every 2 hours. The room had a kitchenette which was good if we needed to warm bottles. I never thought we would have to "strategize" before a vacation, but I guess this is what we need to do from now on.

Dillon put her feet in the ocean for the first time. She wasn't thrilled about it, but we were. The cold inducing cringe was so cute! The rest of our day and night were totally atypical from our regular PTown vacations. No pregaming, no bars, no t-dances, no Spiritus pizza at 2am... We found a stroller-friendly restaurant, had a drink each (which got us surprisingly buzzed) and passed out at the inn by 10pm (which is late for us). Dillon was up early, so I walked her around town in the Moby wrap in the AM. I watched some folks doing the walk of shame and finishing their night while our day was beginning. Sigh... BUT we had a great time anyways; it was just different.

Here's one of Dill's first smiles while on the way to PTown. She's getting better at it as time goes on. It's nice to know when she's enjoying something. After weeks of just looking at either a straight face, sleeping or crying, I started to wonder if she likes anything at all. She even smiled at her pediatrician (Hi, Jill!) at her 1 month appointment. Obviously, Dillon doesn't know what a vaccine is yet... =P

Lastly, the day Dillon turned a month old, I whipped out the play mat thinking she would just lay on it and stare blankly. I put it down while Nickie was getting a hair cut. To my surprise, she started kicking and batting the toys as soon as I put her down! I grabbed her, worried that Nickie would be upset if she missed it. This is now her favorite place to hang out.

That's our week. Full of excitement!

-Ros

Breastfeeding woes

2010-08-09T16:28:00.004-04:00

For something so natural, breastfeeding is one of the most innately unnatural things I have ever done. I had heard countless times how hard it would be for the first 6 weeks and then how happy I'd be if I could just stick it out, I hope that is true. Everyone said it's going to feel like she's got razors in her mouth, your nipples will bleed, etc etc... Sore nipples were my problem for like .2 seconds, after all a week of something sucking on your boobs every 2-3 hours, they either buck up and toughen up or they mind as well just fall off. Latching has never been our problem, from our first moments of trying this new thing together, everyone has always been impressed with her latch.

As I sit here I am just waiting for 20 minutes to pass by between pumpings for my first time "power pumping". What's power pumping you may be wondering, it's pumping for 20 minutes, waiting 20 minutes, then pumping for 20 more. Sounds easy enough, but pumping your boobs for 20 minutes makes your nipples look and feel gross.

My biggest problem so far feeding my child "naturally" aside from trying to breastfeed her at Ruby Tuesday, has been my afternoon milk supply. By the looks of Dillon when she's at the feeding trough anytime between 11am and around 6pm, it would seem as if the taps were completely dry. She sucks for about 5 minutes then starts pulling off, eagerly latching back on, then pulling back off in frustration. After a few minutes she starts crying when she pulls off, I give them a quick squeeze and nothing, barely a drop. We switch sides but the same thing happens. During the night, when my prolactin is high apparently, boobs are full, she latches on for about 20 minutes, happily gulping and sighing with satisfaction. Why can't all of our feedings be this easy?

I've been to breastfeeding support groups, wrote to breastfeeding support chat groups and always get the same answer, everything is fine. They say I have to just trust my body, that I am making plenty of milk, just relax and let mother nature work. I don't think that mother nature is an active observer for us during the day because I feel like I am in a war between, my body and my baby. I don't want to starve her, and I know I'm not as she is gaining weight and peeing normally. But the sound and look of her during these frustrating times is heartbreaking.

Even more heartbreaking (for me) is that we gave in and supplemented her with formula for 2 feedings yesterday and one today. I will have her nurse and then when the taps are totally dry we'll give her a couple oz of formula. I hate giving her that crap, but I feel like we have no other choice.

After calling a lactation consultant we inadvertently met while Dillon was under the bili lights, we'll try the power pumping for a few days and see if that will make me produce more milk so we can get her off the formula. This stuff must be like cement because she hasn't pooped all day, so unlike her.

I really hope that things can improve for us as far as breastfeeding goes. I think it is the biggest source of stress for me since she's been born. I just want to be able to feed her and not think about it so I can enjoy this short, precious time with her.

Update and a Reality Check

2010-07-28T23:33:00.003-04:00

All is well in our hot little house. Dillon is settling into a sorta-kinda schedule. Her colors are coming out... and they're vibrant! She's going to be a little firecracker; we can already tell. Her nickname is DQ (Drama Queen). We're hoping this is some newborn shenanigans, but if this is just her, it's still not all that bad. As long as I can pace and bounce and as long as Nickie can lactate, we'll be just fine.
I had a sobering moment in the last hour. Through some spying and lurking, I'm able to see a few photos of other children from our donor. We originally thought Dillon had Nickie's nose, but after some examination, I'm pretty sure she got it from the donor. It's a very cute button nose that a few kids seem to have. It was nice to think that Dillon was just a clone and "Mr. Invisible" was just a muted 50%....
I read some people's struggles about the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) on a message board. A lot of parents register their kids to be in contact with others who used the same donor. Nickie and I haven't talked about this yet. Apparently, tthe DSR sells contact info to studies on nature vs nurture, which I'm not thrilled about. I also don't know how much I want to know. Does Dillon ever need to know how "popular" her donor was? Is that going to be something she'll see as a negative? I feel like through all of our planning, this wasn't something we thought out very well. I guess if she wants to seek out information, we can help her, but I don't know how much I can stomach right now. I want to just pretend she was an immaculate conception from two women in love for a little while... =)
-Ros

FML

2010-07-27T19:57:00.004-04:00

Ros and I decided to take our longest adventure yet today... all the way to the Wrentham Outlets. Wrentham isn't that far from our house, about a 30 minute drive. But when you take into account that Dillon breastfeeds every 2 hours during the day, taking about 30-40 minutes to nurse, that gives you about 1 hour and 20 minutes before the next milking session is due it becomes quite a task to have to drive for 1 hour.

We are lucky that although she doesn't pass out in the car (of course our baby wouldn't), she does stay nicely asleep when she is being pushed around in her car seat and snap and go. So at around the 3 1/2 hour mark from her last feed (we did let her sleep so we could shop) we decided that we'd go and have some dinner ourselves at Ruby Tuesday and I'd try breastfeeding in public for the first time.

There was some preparation in this venture, as we figured she would probably have to eat during our outing. We brought the Boppy and some special cover your boobs type thingy made for whipping out your tatas in public to feed your child. Although well planned, we learned 2 1/2 weeks ago that the best laid plans hardly ever work out the way you want them to.

So into Ruby Tuesdays we went, unloaded the snap and go into our booth and sat down in the children's section of the restaurant. I got up and went to the salad bar to make the salad I would eat with my one free hand while breastfeeding Dillon at the same time. I sat down, put the Boppy on my lap, then Dillon, then that stupid fabric thingy around my neck, and whipped out the boob. Dillon just wasn't having it, after all we weren't sitting comfortably on the chaise of our couch propped with pillows and allowing the fresh air to blow freely over us. She was stuck on my lap between the table and my stomach with stupid fabric covering her little face. She wouldn't stay latched, it required both of my hands to try and keep her in position, and she would scream every time she pulled herself off of me. Our food arrived, and I just gave Ros a pathetic look. There was no way I was going to be able to eat, so we asked for a to go box. Then I realized, our life was never going to be the way it used to be, it's all about Dillon now.

Of course the woman at the table behind us easily bottle fed her baby while eating her dinner with her other free hand. It's just ironic the contrast, my struggle and her ease. If I didn't feel that the benefits of breast milk weren't so important, I so would have given up the breastfeeding already. It's amazing that something so "natural" is so unnatural in reality and practice. I wish that I was the type of woman with copious breast milk and was able to pump out ounces at a time then we could bottle feed the milk, but I am only able to pump 1/2 to 1 oz at a time.

Hopefully with some practice I will become an expert public breast feeder because I definitely can't organize our lives into 2 hour increments for the next few months.

Double digits

2010-07-19T20:23:00.003-04:00

Wow, I can't believe our baby is double digits in days already. We've been home from the hospital for 1 week and I think we are adjusting OK. We had to stay an extra night in the hospital because Dillon's bilirubin levels were a little high so she had to spend 24 hours tanning under the bili lights. This was definitely our worse night in the hospital as we could only hold her every 3 hours to feed and change her and then it was back under the lights. It was also fun sleeping in a room with what seemed to be a huge neon sign. But we made it through and she is no longer the color of a highlighter.

It has been quite an adjustment being home with a new baby. I didn't know how hard it would be to breastfeed. I was prepared for the sore nipples but I wasn't prepared for the constant, around the clock feedings. It kind of sucks to be the only one who can feed her right now, especially at night when all I want to do is sleep, but I have to get up every 3ish hours to feed her. We are lucky that most nights we have to wake her to eat and then she falls back asleep giving me intermittent 2-3 hour stretches at a time. This wasn't the case our 2nd night home as I consumed too much dairy that day (every meal I ate had some sort of dairy product) and we paid the price that night with a fussy, gassy baby. I have since cut way down on the dairy, which is really hard as cheese is my favorite food. But I love sleep more so I'll just have to deal.

Ros has made the transition into parenthood easier for me. I don't know how people are able to do this job on their own. Ros has been taking care of most things around the house so I can be Bessie the cow and basically just heal. She gets repaid in naps, which she was able to take a 5 hour one today...more sleep than she's probably gotten in days. It's been awesome to watch her turn into the terrific mother I knew she'd be.

The baby and the dogs are getting along well. Tucker really couldn't care less about her, although he will give her a quick lick now and then. Avery wants to be Dillon's 3rd mother. She gets very concerned when the baby cries and immediately wants to help, sometimes it seems by smothering her. The hardest thing has been trying to keep Avery's tongue out of her face, which we have been managing.

Overall I'd say we are doing pretty well. The hormones seem to be evening themselves out, as I didn't cry at all yesterday, and I don't think I will today. The hardest part is the sleep deprivation, although I know it's a lot worse for many people. For now, we'll just keep snapping pictures and enjoying everyday with her watching her grow and change.

The other mother's version

2010-07-15T22:05:00.006-04:00

First, look at these...

Can you stand it?!
Ok... here goes...

Note: I started this over a week ago. Welcome to motherhood. -Ros

No one could have prepped me for what happened during Nickie's labor. In the months leading up to the event, I had helped her with her hypnosis, typed out a full page birth plan and envisioned the wonderful bonding experience we would share. I never thought things would have ended up the way they did.

There is nothing worse than watching the one I love more than anyone go through the amount of pain she did in severity and length. My life has not been terribly difficult, but I have had to do some tough things in my lifetime. This, by far, trumped any other situation I had been in.

Hour 1-15: When we were walking the mall, I remember thinking "this won't be so bad". She would lean over the rail, take a few breaths, and continue to walk. I made sure Nickie was drinking and eating. I'd rub her back. We'd chat between contractions. When we got home from our second walk, I called my parents to pickup the dogs. Nickie started to get less chatty. I thought, "Good. Maybe we'll have a baby tonight!". If I only knew then what I know now...

Hour 16-29: Things started getting tougher. Nickie labored through the night and I would wake up every few minutes to her moaning. She could not do her hypnosis, which was the saving grace in my mind. I thought she would get into it and be comfortable. When we got up to walk up and down the street, she started hanging on my during contractions while we walked, which I thought was nice. As we passed the 24 hour mark, I thought that at least things must be getting close, though I worried that her labor pattern was so odd.

Hours 30-36: At 3pm, when we got to the midwife, I was relieved that she was already 5cms. The ride there was awful and dreaded the idea of bringing her home again. I figured we'd have the baby by the end of the night! As I sped down I-90 to get our bags, I worried that I'd miss something. She might even have the baby without me! (Ha!)

The evening nurse, Yanna, was great, Our midwife, Angela, was incredible. They were so invented and caring. Both took care of Nickie as well as me. They made sure I was drinking and got me a food tray. I don't know how I would've survived without them supporting my....supporting.

Through the evening and into the night, Nickie was a trooper. She'd have a strong contraction, hang, then say "ok" and keep walking. Angela was very impressed with her. My job was to be hung on, talk to her and give her the water bottle between contractions. I thought that after walking miles, we must be getting some where. When she got checked and she had only gone 2cms in 7 hours, I started to wonder how much longer she could do this.

Hour 37-43: These were the hardest hours of my life. I started to forget why we were there. It felt like I was living minute by minute to watch my wife slowly rip in half. All of the sudden, Nickie wasn't talking between contractions anymore, which the midwife said was good. Nickie wasn't as confident as she had been and would cry. All I could do is hold her, tell her how well she was doing and that she could do it (not that she had a choice). I really believed she could do it naturally until she got checked again and she had only gotten to 8 cms in the 3 hours of excruciating pain since the last check. Nickie started to lose it and just said "I'm just so tired". So was I. I was exhausted. I had watched her grimace in her sleep all night the night before. It was 1am at this point on night 2 and I wondered how much more encouragement I could give. I grabbed the semi useless night nurse, Joyce, and I told her to get our midwife. Angela came in and sat on the floor next to Nickie, who was inconsolable. I was rejoicing in my head when she said she would recommend the epidural because of her bizarre labor and length.

It was exciting to see the anesthesiologist come up so fast. I thought this was the end. I'd seen MD's get into the epidural spaces of infants during my years in pedi, so I figured Nickie would be easy. After poke 2, the Angela and nurses were eyeing eachother and I realized this wasn't normal. Nickie had the death grip on my hand through her needle stabs and contractions. I thought the ring on my right hand was going to rip through my skin, but I figured it was a fraction of her pain, so I didn't say anything. Watching her hunched over for 45 mins was inhumane, but at that point I was so delirious it just felt like the worst dream of my life; I thought I would eventually wake up.

Hours 44-48: It was such a relief when they got the epidural in and her water finally broke. We could relax and I started to remember why we were there. When her blood pressure dropped a bit, I wasn't too phased by it. I don't know if it was because I was so tired, or if it was from my ICU days where I knew it was eay to amend. After everything settled out and Nickie fell asleep, I cried for a bit out of happiness because she was laying comfortably for the first time in days. I slept for about an hour before waking up and getting kicked out to get food by the staff, who noticed I hadn't eaten much. The only thing that looked appetizing at 6am was a piece of Boston Cream pie and some pudding.

Hour 48-50-Labor: The last 2 hours flew for me. Nickie didn't think her pushing was doing anything because she couldn't feel it, but I could see a little more hair with every push. Angela pointed out the mohawk the baby was getting as she would come out a little when Nickie pushed then sink back in a little. I think that moved the time for me. I kept covering up Nickie's bottom with a towel so she wouldn't see her 'roids in the mirror (OUCH). When things got close, I saw Angela giving the eye to the day nurse, Melissa. When Angela calmly said she wanted to bring in the OB "just in case" because the baby could have a shoulder dystocia, I thought it would just be icing on the shit cake. Luckily, that didn't happen, because the OB didn't have time to get there.

Watching Nickie pull Dillon up on her chest was surreal. I remember pausing and thinking "this is what the best moment of your life feels like". Just amazing.

Hour 50 1/2: I fell in love. Dillon and I hung out at the warmer while Nickie was getting sewn up. I wanted Nickie to see her, but I appreciated the time I had alone for a few minutes. I was told by others that it can take the second parent a while to bond. That didn't happen to me. She was my baby girl pretty quick. I examined her and saw Nickie: her detached ears, the dipple in her chin, the button nose and obviously the super mop of hair. She was mine from the beginning.

Things I learned:

1) Plans are a great idea, as long as you don't plan on following them. We had our birth planned to the minute and it could not have veered further off course, but in the end, it was okay.

2) Midwifes are angels. Seriously. I have no doubt that Nickie would have ended up with Pitocin and a c-section had we had an OB. And I think she would've given in to these ideas due to a lack of support. Angela was with us every step, as opposed to an OB, who would check in every few hours to pop some digits in Nickie. We both agreed that we would not change a thing when it comes to who was with us.

3) My wife is incredible. I knew this before, but it is ultra reinforced. Who can labor for 42 hours straight the way she could? Not me. I don't think a huge majority of women could. And look what she gave me? Have you seen pictures? I have the cutest kid in the world! I can't love her or thank her enough.

The Story

2010-07-13T16:01:00.005-04:00

So here is the story of my 50 hour labor. Sometimes it sounds like I am exaggerating, but unfortunately, I probably am not. I wrote some of this down once already, but it was so long I had to try and make it more concise so here goes. This is long, but so is 50 hours of labor.

Wednesday at around 9 am I had my first 2 contractions while listening to one of my Hypnobabies hypnosis cd's. I was so excited to come out of my hypnosis so I could let Ros know that I thought my labor had begun. Although only 2 contractions, I just had a feeling that this was it.

Wednesday, Hours 1-14
Decided to get the labor moving by going to the mall and walking there since it was going to be around 95 degrees that day. We went for over 2 hours and walked, looking pathetic when we slowed our pace for a contraction but it seemed to be working as I got my contractions closer together to about 1 every 10-12 minutes. I was proud and figured we were starting to make some progress. We came home and I started trying to relax with my hypnosis and bounce on the birthball. My contractions were there but seemed to have started spread themselves out. I began to doubt myself that maybe I wasn't in labor...but I knew these contractions were a lot different than my previous Braxton-Hicks.

We went back to the mall that evening around 4ish to walk some more. This time we were able to walk my contractions to about every 5-6 minutes apart and way more intense. I can't even imagine what we looked like hanging over the railing at the mall, breathing through the contractions. During this time I really started having some pressure in my butt with each one. When we got home I tried my hypnosis again. This time it was much different. I couldn't relax on the couch anymore because with each contraction I had laying down intense pain would radiate from my ass up through my abdomen. I called these my "let me try to scratch the paint off the wall" contractions. Unfortunately, when we got home the contractions, though intense, started to spread themselves out again. I tried showering, bouncing on the ball some more, pacing...

Wednesday-Thursday, Hours 15-32
Around 11pm we decided to put in a call to the midwife since the contractions were so painful even though they weren't the 4-5 minutes apart that they should be. Sometimes they were, sometimes they were more spread out, we weren't sure so we called. When she called back about 20 minutes later, I explained to her what was going on, she determined that I was still in early labor, and to stay home and try and sleep that night. We went to bed only to wake up every 15-20 minutes moaning with an intense asstraction. I stayed in bed intermittently sleeping because I knew I had to get rest. I pretty much did this until the sun came up.

We got up at around 6am and decided to go out and walk up and down our street to try and get the contractions more regular and closer together. We did and called the midwife back around 7:30. She thought we were making more progress but it was still early and to come to the hospital after rush hour. We planned on going around 9am, but by the time that came, my contractions were irregular and about 10 minutes apart again. Frustrated we stayed home. The next on duty midwife called us at around 11:30am to check on things, she told me to rest and continue to labor at home. We headed to the office at 3pm for a previously scheduled appointment. When we got there, I had my first breakdown and the waterworks started. The midwife there decided to check me to see where things were, low and behold I was 5cm dilated and had a softball sized bag of water hanging in my crotch, hence the reason for all of my previous ass labor. I felt good that I had progressed and all the pain so far was at least doing something. We headed to the hospital.

Thursday, Hours 33-the end around 50
Ros had to drop me off at the hospital because we left our bags at home because we didn't want to jinx anything. I had one of my ER friends walk me up to antenatal where they hooked me up to the monitor. Baby looked good, contractions were about every 5 minutes. Ros came back and we were escorted to L & D. We met our awesome nurse Yana and our midwife Angela. In L & D we did pretty much the same thing we had been doing at home, bouncing on the birthball, pacing the halls, having intense asstractions. This went on for hours and hours. Around 10pm Angela decided to check me to see my progress...7cm. I had mixed emotions about this. I was glad I had made progress, but 2cm in 6 hours was a bit discouraging. So we kept walking and bouncing. The midwife made me do lunges down the hallway and nipple stimulation. Around 1am I started to breakdown. The pain was intense, all the hypnosis I had practiced for pain control for months was out the window from the beginning so I was just dealing with labor taking one contraction at a time. I couldn't stop crying. I tried the nice tub, but I was too far gone. I wanted someone to ask me if I wanted an epidural, I didn't want to feel like a failure in my natural childbirth. At 2am she checked me again and I was at 8cm. Totally frustrated, exhausted, and hopeless, she suggested an epidural...I agreed.

The anesthesiologist was paged, my IV was started (after 2 attempts). The MD arrived and I sat on the bed, pillow in front of me, having my terrible asstractions every 4-5 minutes. I had to sit there with my back arched out like a cat and totally still while he tried 4 times to start my epidural. This was fucking torture. He decided he needed to call another anesthesiologist because he didn't want to poke me again. The next MD came in and try #5 happened...FAIL. By this point I didn't even know if they were going to be able to place it. My mind flooded with the idea that this birth was going to end up with me having a c-section under general anesthesia...so far from my ideal situation. On try lucky #6, it was in and I was numb from above my boobs to my ankles. My water then broke, and I finally got to rest after 42 hours. All was dandy until my blood pressure started to drop and the baby started having decelerations in her heart rate. After a shot of ephedrine, 4 liters of fluid, and my epidural being cut in half all was stable. I could only lay on my left side for the next several hours because the baby wouldn't tolerate my changing of positions. They let me rest, and let the baby labor herself down. Finally around 10am it was time to push.

What an odd concept to push with an epidural. I had absolutely no feeling from my upper abdomen to about my knees. They would tell me to push with each contraction but I had absolutely no muscle coordination to do that since I couldn't feel it. It's like telling a paraplegic to just bear down to have a bowel movement even though they are paralyzed, impossible. But somehow after 2 hours of pushing, our baby was here. She had a nuchal cord so that was cut immediately, but Angela had me reach down to pull her out and up to my chest. She was purple and scary looking so they took her over to the baby warmer to be stimulated and then she cried. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

After all that pushing and labor, my nethers remained pretty much intact except for 2 second degree tears and a horrible case of the roids.

Few things that I have learned from my labor experience. First, I now know what 10/10 pain feels like. Secondly, that having a midwife to birth your baby is definitely the way to go. Our midwife Angela was awesome, she barely left my side the entire time I was at the hospital. She was patient and encouraging and helped me stay focused. The word midwife means "with women" and during my experience I could totally feel the meaning of that. And lastly, that I have the best, most supportive wife in the entire world. I definitely couldn't have made it 10 hours, never mind 42, of hard labor naturally. She stayed calm, cool, and collected the whole time. Even when she was freaking out, my impression of the situation was that everything was fine. I think that this experience, as horrible as it was at the time, has definitely brought us closer together, and has surely made me love her even more than I thought was possible.

Introducing....

2010-07-09T21:05:00.004-04:00

Dillon May! Born at 12:23pm on July 9th after 50 hours of labor (41 of which were totally unmedicated). More to come soon! 8lbs 2oz, 21 inches.

Nickie, Ros and baby Dillon

Things people don't tell you about labor

2010-07-08T11:16:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been 24 hours since Nickie's contractions started, and they're petering out a bit at the moment. I'm almost thankful, because she looks like she's resting for the first time since 10am yesterday.

We've called the midwives twice:

1. 11:30pm- when she had pretty ok contractions 5 mins apart. The midwife said "go to sleep!". I thought she was out of her mind, but the second Nickie hungup the phone, the contractions slowed down. We slept maybe an hour overnight, but it better than what I was expecting. I thought I'd be catching the kiddo at 3am in the bed. But, the midwife knew best.

2. 7am- Nickie started revving up again with strong contractions that stopped her in her tracks every 4-5mins. The midwife said, "wait until after rush hour", which would be 2 hours later. Again, the contractions slowed down to where we are now at 11am.
Midwife-2, Nickie and Ros-0.

Even as a nurse, I thought that a pregger starts having contractions, they get stronger, then you eventually have a baby. I didn't know about this whole stalling thing, which is totally normal. People talk about sleeping before the baby comes because the baby will keep you up at night. I didn't know we were supposed to bank sleep for the marathon labor. I feel like that sounds naive, but this is just different from what we expected.

Another thing Nickie was ready for was the way contractions feel. Nuggets in the perfect position, so she hasn't had back labor. She's calling it "ass labor". Between the 'roids and contractions concentrating in her butt, she's totally caught off guard.

Don't babies come from vaginas? Did Nugget migrate to Nickie's colon (no pun intended)?

The moaning is starting again, so I'll end this.

Hopefully, the next post will consist of a photo of a little, naked, red baby with a full head of hair!

-Ros

Sooner than later

2010-07-07T14:46:00.003-04:00

I wish the ticker was right and the baby really was here. She's still snuggling tightly in my belly right now, but I think things are getting closer. This morning when I was doing my hypnosis, I had 2 good contractions. Then I had a couple more when I made the journey to the first floor. This spurred Ros and myself to go and do some mall walking so I wouldn't melt outside since it's oh, 92 degrees today. I shouldn't complain, it's cool compared to yesterday. While walking the mall I was having pretty good contractions about every 10 minutes. So I guess we'll see where this goes. I was supposed to work today and tomorrow, but I had to call out. I couldn't take care of patients while having intermittent contractions and it's nice to spend this time with Ros even if the princess doesn't show for the next couple of days. I worked until 40 weeks, I'd say that's pretty damn good.

Hoping things are close, I've dropped over the past few days after seeing the crazy German baby whisperer lady. I've had my "bloody show" since Monday and continue to do so. I'm thinking all signs are pointing to having a baby soon. But I am remaining cautiously optimistic until we are confidently making our way to the hospital. Hopefully we'll be making that trip by tonight, otherwise we'll be driving back to the mall for a few more laps.

Fingers crossed that the next post will have cute pictures of our little Nugget.

Still waiting..

2010-07-03T23:19:00.002-04:00

Even though the little baby that's been flying on the left side of our blog has flown off the ticker, still no Nugget. The midwife guessed our cherub was 8lb 10oz right now, so we'd like to get things moving. Our attempts in evicting her has included:
-Walking
-Eggplant with extra oregano and basil
-Chinese food (for the MSG, unfortunately we realized it was an MSG-free restaurant when the food arrived)
-Walking...Walking...Walking... Circling the neighborhood... Going to the park... Curb walking...
-Evening Primrose by mouth and up Nickie hoohoo
-Booze, per the midwife. Nickie had a margarita yesterday. It didn't seem to do much, but it tasted damn good.
-Doing, well, you know.... Not as fun as it sounds at this point..
-Boob tweeking. Again, not so fun.
-Membrane stripping yesterday
-Even more walking

The midwife recommended the "midwife cocktail" of OJ, vodka and castor oil; we'll save that for true desperation. Nickie was 1cm dilated and 40% effaced yesterday. It's a start.

We'll keep trucking along. If anyone has any tips, please let us know!

Ros

Not for the weak

2010-07-02T10:12:00.002-04:00

So last night at work I think I started to lose my mucus plug. And then a little bit this morning. We have a midwife appointment today at 3:20 at which time my membranes are going to be stripped. I have a good feeling about tomorrow. I hope I'm right. Fingers crossed.

And if all else fails, we have an appointment with the "baby whisperer" on Monday. I hope we can cancel.

Baby digs...

2010-06-27T21:15:00.003-04:00

Since we have no baby to show off yet, I figured I'd post some completed nursery pics instead. See what a nice job Ros did. She's such a good mom.

Only thing we have left to do is get some shelves for that shelfie thing.

All those wonderful books were given to us at shower #1 when we had people bring their favorite childhood book instead of a card. We've got lots of bedtimes covered.

Poop removal station, nuff said.

Nuggets wardrobe. Most of it is in her drawers, or under the crib separated by size.

Hopefully the next time we post, we'll have a baby to show off...Any time now :)

Home stretch...

2010-06-25T16:19:00.003-04:00

No baby yet for those that are curious. I've just been too lazy to write anything. Although the fatigue of the 3rd trimester isn't nearly as bad as the first, I find that all I want to do on my days off is sit around my living room wearing nothing more than a t shirt and some undies. The heat is awful and is definitely making me wish little Nugget out of me, but I know she'll come when she's good and ready.

I've been trying to get things going the natural way for a couple weeks now. I've been taking Evening Primrose Oil 3x/day, walking, and some good old fashioned fooling around. The fooling around part, not so much fun these days. Now I know how straight people trying to conceive feel, trying to get down and dirty on demand. NOT FUN. But at this point, with absolutely no more room in this belly, I'll do anything for her to make her appearance just a little early.

Over the past few days the Braxton-Hicks contractions have really ramped up, which I hope is a good sign that the real ones are just right around the corner. I'm excited to use all of the Hypnobabies techniques I've been practicing for the last few months to see if I can really birth this BIG girl naturally. I'm hoping she weighs less than 9 lbs, hoping, hoping... I just don't know. I've been measuring right on target every appointment so hopefully she isn't a sumo wrestler when she's born.

We had our 38ish week appointment today which went well. Nugget had hiccups when they were listening to her heartbeat which was really cute. She's seemed to have moved back over to my right side even though I've been trying so hard to keep her on my left. Hopefully she'll move back over. The midwife discussed with us about stripping my membranes at the next appointment if she hasn't made her appearance yet, which I'm all for although I know it will be uncomfortable. I hope we won't even have to go there and we'll have our little angel in our arms before then.

Pregnancy updates, I've cut my working hours down to three 8 hour shifts per week instead of 3 12's. Which may not sound like much to most of you who work 8 hour shifts usually, but it's a huge deal for me not to have to be at work until 3am. Ankle swelling is still minimal except for just a few cases of cankles after very hot days when I walked or sat around alot without putting them up. No varicose veins for me even though everyone who has given birth in my family has horrible ones. I'll attribute that to religiously wearing my TEDS when I've been at work. Finally the stretch marks... Yuck... But I tried my best to avoid them so I'm not too upset with myself.

Finally, I think that everybody needs a wife when they are pregnant. She has nested for the past few months and our house looks great. She's even cleaned out the shed. All I've had to do was gestate and some days, that's really all I am capable of. I haven't felt like nesting myself, but I just contribute that to my nest being complete. So thank you my beautiful wife for making this pregnancy so easy for me, I LOVE YOU!

Sobered....

2010-06-13T14:54:00.005-04:00

*Steps on soapbox*
Take a good look at this...

(from Forbes.com)
There's a lot that could be said about the U.S. being comparable to Ghana, Swaziland and Zambia (where no nominal per capita income is above $3000/year) in the their unpaid maternity leave, but I think this speaks for itself.
If one word could be uttered about this, I would use "shameful."
*Steps off soapbox*

Don't get me wrong....I am grateful that we'll both have jobs after this kiddo pops out. I'm happy that I'm able to take the summer off and Nickie will take her full 12 weeks because we've been saving like squirrels collecting nuts before winter so they don't starve. I'm glad I can tell my employer that I'm going to take the time off because my lesbian wife is having a baby.

But then I have to think, just for a second, would Nickie have been better off in Bosnia or Chile? Or, Mexico or Malawi? Shameful.

Check Up

2010-06-11T17:20:00.004-04:00

Today was our 36 (almost 37) week check up at the midwife office... Although our dates and their dates are a little different as we go by when conception actually took place and they go by that little wheelie thing based on my last period.

Everything seems pretty good, got the crotch swab for group B strep, had the midwife check my cervix even though I know any amount of dilation pretty much means nothing at this point but we were curious. The verdict, squishy cervix and fingertip dilated. I feel good about this as that is one fingertip I won't have to dilate later. My blood pressure today was a little elevated at 130/70, last week it was about 102/68, so I had some blood drawn while we were there too looking for signs of pregnancy induced hypertension. I'm pretty sure I'm fine as I haven't had any protein in my urine, no headaches, and my swelling is minimal at best. Although I have been having floaters in my vision occasionally so maybe that's something to think about. I'm thinking that my pressure was probably up since we were chatting about work and the fact that I still work 12 hour shifts in the ER, and at this point in my pregnancy, nothing stresses me out more. But due to the crappy maternity leave we have in this country (one of the worst in the developed world, or even undeveloped as Rwanda has a better one than us) I have to keep working until the princess decides to make her appearance or they (the midwives) tell me I can't work anymore.

We are totally ready for her to come, Ros even installed the car seat today. It's weird to look in the back seat and see it there, we'll see how the dogs react to half of their space now taken up. Everything is washed, folded, and placed neatly in drawers, again thanks to my wonderful wife. We even bought our second possible take home outfit depending on how much she decides to weigh when she is born, little nervous that the newborn size will be just a bit snug. All we need now is our little bundle of joy. But not until we finally pack the hospital bag which we have been talking about for a week now and haven't started yet. I should get on that, except all I want to do is lay on the couch which is a big problem for my productivity.

Here's the 9 month belly shot... Still waiting on that belly button to fall out, not long now.

Special Gift

2010-06-01T20:52:00.007-04:00

As everyone might have guessed and read about before, we didn't make Nugget the natural way. It's not just the age-old, romantic story of "2 women fall in love, and that love makes a baby". We have gotten by pretty well without a man, but we needed one for this.

We went through a sperm bank to find an unknown donor. At first, it was about finding a donor who looked like me, didn't have crazy in his family and had attributes we liked. We got about 15 profiles that were 21 pages each. We sorted and prioritized, looking at hobbies, jobs, height, weight, handwriting, grammar, the interviewer's interpretation, everything.

After 2 months, priorities shifted. The rollcoaster of emotion was already getting to us. We decided we wanted a donor that was successful, thinking we'd have a better chance. There was a particular profile we liked who had been successful, but he was always "unavailable". There are a lot of great things about his profile. He's described by the interviewer as the "ideal donor". One part in particular got us (like most women, I would think). In the profile, there is a section asking, "If you could send a message to the recipient(s) of your semen, what would that message be?" Most men would read that as a message to the parents, but he read it differently. He wrote the message to the child. He started his answer, "Welcome to the world!" How cute is that? He goes on to say some wonderful things that made us melt. Too bad he was always unavailable...

...except for the month we got pregnant. He happened to be available the day we needed to order and we jumped. We gave our credit card info, got the tank in the mail and...well, the rest is history. Not the history of where most other babies come from, but its our Nugget's history.

Nickie made this and it's hanging right above the crib. It has a copy of the donor's answer to the question we loved so much. When she's old enough to ask what it is, we'll tell her. Nugget will know where she came from (well, as much as we know). She'll know she was wanted and the donor wanted her too, for us: Our Special Gift.

Yowza!

2010-05-24T15:39:00.003-04:00

So although I said our unofficial ultrasound days were over, I couldn't resist taking one more peak a our "little" Nugget before she's born. Mainly we wanted to make sure that Nugget was still a Nuggette since at our last ultrasound at 20 weeks she was being ever so modest and wouldn't give up her junk...

Happy to say that all the cutesy, frilly, outfits we received at our shower will be able to be worn by our righteous babe, except for maybe the ones that are size newborn...

Why do I say that you maybe asking, well the ultrasound tech guestimated her weight at 34 weeks to be a whopping 6lbs 5oz already! I'm hoping that weight is off by the pound that they can be, because baby girl is huge already. Which is confusing to me as I don't feel huge, and every time we go to the midwife my fundus measures right on target. We're hoping this is an error, or she's born around 38 weeks because I just can't imagine an 11lb baby in our future.

The bad and the good...

2010-05-22T17:58:00.005-04:00

The last couple weeks of this pregnancy have been less than pleasant, of course not taking into account our awesome baby shower that Ros's mom threw for us last Sunday.

It all started out last Thursday when I came down with a GI bug. I know I caught it at work as my trips to the bathroom smelled the same as a patients diarrhea diaper that I had taken care of on Tuesday. I wash my hands like a freak when I'm at work, but there must have been one little bacteria that was left behind which caused me to feel like death for the next few days. This bug also led to my first vomiting episode of this pregnancy. Good thing Ros talked me out of going into work that day, it wouldn't have been pretty. I tried to at least stay on top of the fluids for the next few days, but I think I fell short leading me to my next issue.

Who knew being dehydrated could lead to your parotid gland becoming infected? I'm a nurse and I surely didn't. This issue started Wednesday when Ros and I were at Ikea, innocently enjoying their delicious swedish meatballs. For some reason the right side of my jaw had these shooting pains everytime I would chew. I blew that off, but when we left and I looked in the mirror I noticed some swelling in the area that was painful. No big deal right, sure, until we had dinner later that night. This time when I ate, the area became extremely swollen and painful to the point that I could barely even close my jaw on the right side due to swelling. The side of my face and ear were red. It was torture, but I figured I had to eat something, I had to feed the baby. Over the course of the night, the swelling slowly went down, and by the time I woke up the next day it was gone. I thought I had a parotid gland stone and maybe I had passed it during the night. I quickly realized that wasn't the case when I ate cereal and my face blew up even more than it had the night before, and honestly the pain was excruciating. I made an appointment with my doctor who in turn gave me a referral to an ENT doctor who was thankfully able to see me that day. He said due to my previous dehydration I had developed an infection in my parotid gland and to take antibiotics. It's been 2 days and I am back to my old self, eating everything in sight. Augmentin is a miracle drug.

On a better note, we had our midwife appointment yesterday, Nugget is measuring right on target, and due to my GI distress and painful eating, I only gained 1/2 pound over the past few weeks. The only good to come out of all of that badness. The midwife let Ros feel Nuggets body parts, a foot, a butt, and her head, which is sitting snugly in my pelvis right where she should be.

On an even better note, we had our first baby shower on Sunday. It was our friends and family shower organized by Ros's mom. We had it at our house so we didn't have to lug presents all around. It was nice throwing it there as my aunt and my grandmother haven't seen our house yet. It was so wonderful to have everyone together to celebrate this little person. It was especially priceless to see my grandmother have such a great time, especially considering her health a few months ago was so poor that I never thought she'd be able to enjoy this day with us. I'm talking trying to drink the gravy out of the gravy boat on Christmas and wearing Depends to now walking around and talking like her old self again. Thank you lowered Dilantin dose, don't know why noone thought of that sooner. Anyways, we ate some yummy snacks, played some pregger games, and opened presents, an all around great day.

The nest

2010-05-10T19:43:00.004-04:00

Nesting has been paying off. Here's a shot of the nursery before we moved in (note the faux floor and murals):

And the after... Bryan and I ripped up for floors. We had carpet installed throughout the upstairs. The whole room was repainted (thank gawd..not a fan of Pooh). The dresser and crib were given to us (thanks Jennifer!). The rocker was a Craigslist find. Sweet!

3rd trimester rant

2010-05-05T00:19:00.004-04:00

Wow, can't believe we theoretically have only 9 weeks to go. Well I guess theoretically we could have a healthy baby here in 6, I hope we don't have any more than 9 because this torso can't handle it...

I hate to whine about my pregnancy, because so far, it's been pretty good. I'd say that I do pretty well being pregnant, but since this 3rd trimester has hit, honestly I haven't been feeling so great. I am happy to report that the Floradix iron supplement has made me feel less like death. I now feel more energetic and less like the couch is my permanent grave that I am stuck in. Although I do still enjoy napping, it's not quite the necessity that it was a couple weeks ago. As far as the non-constipating aspect, I can't say that it's worsened things, but they aren't great. I am drinking pear juice daily, which helps a bit, but I think a stick of dynamite might work better.

This past weekend was pretty rough. I started out strong on Saturday, working, felt pretty good. Then around 11pm, bam, started feeling hellish. Nausea, stabbing upper abdominal pain, vurping up of the salad I ate 4 hours earlier for dinner, pretty unpleasant things. I had hoped that things would improve after a "good" nights rest, but I woke up Sunday feeling even more cruddy. I had to call into work, there was no way I could care for people while I was feeling that bad. I never puked, but I came close a couple times. I had no appetite until today, at which time I woke up ravenous at 8am. I'm glad I'm feeling better, so I have hopes that maybe I caught a little GI bug from the tainted Boston water I came in contact with while at work on Saturday, and that it's not just general pregnancy crapiness.

As I trudge through this last trimester, I am hoping that I can fulfill my plan of working until I go into labor, or at least make it until my due date of July 6th. Not so easy when you work 12 hour shifts in a fairly busy ER, during peak hours of 3pm-3am. But my goal is to spend as much quality time with the peanut as I can before returning (even on a part time basis). So I'm trying to save as much sick time as I can since finding out that short term disability only pays 70% for 4 weeks and not the 6 that I had originally thought. The rest is on me and my earned time. If I continue to ration it (despite this Sunday's sick call), I should be OK to be paid fully for the remaining 8 weeks I will be taking off. I am so excited that 9 of those weeks will be spent with my wonderful wife.

Things about the 3rd trimester that I hate:
*feeling so full and big that it's hard to breathe
*not being able to turn over in bed without a lot of huffing and puffing and waking the wife
every time
*constant back pain
*very frequent reflux
*waddling around at work trying to be productive
*not being able to see anything past my upper abdomen without some sort of mirror
*constipation and frequent urination
*becoming very easily fatigued
*having to repeat my due date over and over again to people whom I've already told a
thousand times and explaining to them that although I seem big, I am measuring exactly
where I should be

Things aren't so terrible now although I am whining like they are. I get to feel Nugget twist and turn all the time, and so does Ros. We can see my belly move, although I haven't noticed any discernible feet or hands trying to escape. It's really nice to have strangers be so nice to me and to see traffic stop about 20 feet away when I cross the street. It's the only time in my life when I don't have to feel guilty about gaining 29 lbs in 31 weeks. It's awesome knowing that we will be meeting our daughter in a few months. I am very excited to be able to watch Ros as a parent and see what a truly awesome mom I know she'll be.

I promise to post some cute nursery pics as soon as we aren't too lazy to take them. Ros did such a nice job nesting and setting the whole thing up, I can't wait to share it.

Sad Day

2010-04-22T00:27:00.002-04:00

We've noticed what looks like the beginnings of a couple stretch marks near my appendectomy scar... :( Nuff said.

Other Mother Rant

2010-04-19T20:58:00.004-04:00

I'll start with that "other mother":
OTHER[uhth-er]:
1. additional or further
2. different or distinct from the one mentioned or implied

3. different in nature or kind

4. being the remaining one of two or more

When I think of being a mother, the words "additional", "different" or "remaining" don't give me that warm, fuzzy feeling. But the alternative of "non-bio mother" sounds like a science experiment. It makes "other mother" sound pretty attractive.

On that note, I'll get to my real point. I feel helpless. Nickie's coming into the home stretch and feeling it. During the discomfort, shortness of breath, constipation, vurps, 'roids and cankles, I act as an empathetic witness. There's not a lot I can do but rub her feet and hope additional symptoms will pass so she'll feel better. I'm sure men go through this, feeling edgy and unsure. I have some secondary feelings of responsibility; it could have been me instead.

Since I'm the other mother and can't carry for her, I scramble to look for things to do or clean or buy to prep for the impending peanut. I'm happy to say it's made me very productive; we have a newly painted, carpeted, furnished nursery all set up. But now that everything is done, I'm twittling my thumbs in an attempt to repress my desire to online shop for baby clothes. I wish I could do more.

Whine, whine, whine.... Ok. I'm done. (I wouldn't be a woman if I couldn't find something to bitch about during the happiest time of our lives, right?)

Nickie's looking super cute. Here's her 28 week photo. We can see her belly move now when the baby whips out her Chuck Norris moves. Nugget and I have had some quality time when Nickie's sleeping. I like to think she acknowledges me, because she always gives a few good kicks when I put my hand on Nickie's belly in the morning before I get up for work.

-Ros

Yawn...

2010-04-18T12:27:00.002-04:00

I hate that the mono-feeling of the first trimester has reared her head again. I read that it would happen, but I'm only 29 weeks today, and I don't know if I can handle feeling like crap for the next 11 (hopefully less) weeks. Here I sit on the couch, with 3 wiener dogs piled on top of me and not even enough energy to kick them off. Good thing the fingers don't require much gusto to type.

Good news is I passed my glucose test with a 96. How wonderful. The organic grape juice alternative to drinking that bright orange chemical glucose "beverage" was quite lovely. I sucked that juice down in like 20 seconds after the lady who would be drawing my blood gave a dirty look because I didn't accept her drink. I love having a midwife, it's so much easier to be "less" traditional.

I also had a cbc drawn that day. It showed my hematocrit to be slightly less than optimal at 34 which could be why I am feeling so crappy. I am waiting for my Florodix iron supplement to arrive by mail. I am ultra excited that I found a pill form so I don't have to suck down a disgusting liquid every day. This is supposed to be a completely non-constipating form of iron and herbs. I hope it lives up to its claim because my intestines can't handle it.

On a better note, apparently I do pregnancy well. Maybe everybody I see is lying to my face, but all everyone keeps saying is how good and cute I look pregnant. Which is nice since I've been feeling like such crap lately. I had someone tell me that she wished I was pregnant all the time because I looked so adorable, I guess the extra 24 lbs has dispersed itself well. I also have the "pregnancy glow" because people tell me I do all the time, I just don't see it when I look in the mirror. I just think the ladies at my work aren't used to seeing a little pregnant dyke waddling around, I'm glad I can be a learning experience for everyone.

BIG 3-0

2010-04-15T22:10:00.004-04:00

Wow, 30. I remember sitting on the picnic table in the middle of Simmons College residential quad chatting with my friend Lori about where I thought I'd be when I was the big 3-0. Ironically enough, I'm pretty much right where I wanted to be by this time. One of my goals was to find a nice lady who was cute and not crazy. Then I met Ros, check. Cute, smart, caring, adventurous... A total package. After we dated for 3 months and then moved to San Diego together (I know ,so lesbian, but so not me) I figured she was a keeper. When she proposed, I knew she was. Another goal of mine by the time I reached 30 was to have a baby. Here we are 7 months pregnant, and I think that's close enough. My life is going really well. Nice house, 2 great dogs, wonderful wife, baby on the way, I really can't ask for anything else.

My birthday was fun... Well most of it anyway. The plan for the day was to take a trip to NYC with Ros's work to go and see the yearly Gala performance. Since Ros is the nurse of the year at her school she had to attend just in case someone passed out again like they did 2 years ago. We started our adventure around 12:30. The drive to NY wasn't nearly as bad as I'd expected. I did prepare, packing snacks, water, pillows, and most importantly applying the TEDS to my lower half. I read, ate, and listened to the IPod, peed in the bus bathroom once, and before I knew it we were there. When we got there we went for a nice stroll through some of Central Park since I just needed to walk after sitting down for almost 4 hours. Then we met up with the kids to check on them, Ros handed out 2 band aids, and then we were off to meet my friend Gerri for dinner. Nothing makes you feel older on your 30th birthday than catching up with someone you haven't seen in 7 years. Really makes you think about all the time that has gone by. Then we were off to the show. The show was nice and all the kids did a great job. After that it was time to go. Time to get on that bus again for the 4 hour trip home. Word to the wise for anyone 7 months pregnant, or any amount of pregnant for that matter, don't ever plan on traveling on a bus for 8 hours. The last 4 hours of the trip were miserable. I couldn't get comfortable. I couldn't recline the seat because it made my back hurt, I couldn't elevate my legs because the seat had a weird bump in it. I had restless legs and felt as though my feet were going to explode. I couldn't read because the overhead lights didn't work. I couldn't talk to Ros because she could sleep through a war on a bed of nails and was passed out. I just sat there, watching the lights on the highway go by, becoming more and more agitated as the minutes ticked. I finally became tired enough to close my eyes and slept for the last 45 minutes of the trip. I will NEVER do that again. No more road trips for this pregger. I thought we might make it to PTown over Memorial Day weekend for at least a night, but the thought of that 3 hour car ride is already making me nauseated. We'll have to see about that.

On a better note, Ros and I had a great day together yesterday. I was nice and rested from staying in bed until noon. We went for a nice leisurely walk in the woods with the dogs. After that a trip to IKEA was in order where we enjoyed Swedish meatballs but were bummed that their lingonberry juice was out of order. Now our nursery is almost complete as we found some nice curtains for the closet and window, a new floor lamp, and some other cutsie baby things. If there is one thing Ros and I know how to do, it is spend money. We're definitely going to have to slow down once the Nugget arrives or else I'm going to have to get a second job. We will post some pics of the nursery as soon as we take some.

All in all, being 30 isn't as dreadful as I thought it would be. The world did not end and I did not shrivel up into a bitter old prune. I think with all the excitement of being pregnant, I've sort of forgot about the fact that this year was the dreaded birthday. So thank you Nugget for helping take my mind off of things. And thank you wifey for the best birthday present a pregnant chick could ask for, 4 prenatal massages, just what the doctor ordered.

Hungry Horrors

2010-04-10T18:25:00.004-04:00

I totally woke up today at 8am with the hungry horrors. This wouldn't be that bad except I have to work all this weekend and need to get as much sleep as possible. I laid there for a few contemplating if I should get up and eat something or if I could ride out the pangs and get a couple more hours of sleep. With my stomach growling I reluctantly got up to make myself a piece of toast with PB and J and a small glass of milk. Luckily that held me over so I could sleep until 11 and then have my lunch at noon.

The horrors haven't disappeared yet. As I sit here at work, I just ate 5 Ritz crackers with PB and had a small glass of milk. Of course this is in addition to the apple, mozzarella stick, and "fun-sized" snickers that I've already consumed, and I've only been here for 3.5 hours. Great, I can see how this night is going to go.

I've been trying not to stress out about my weight too bad. Although stepping on that scale sometimes causes slight palpitations. I know I'll drop it all, but I've already gained 22 lbs and I still have 12 weeks to go.

All I have to say is hello 3rd trimester. Happy to see you. Now we can spend the next 12 weeks (or hopefully less and no more) fattening the Nugget up. Hopefully she can keep her weight in check while she's cooking, because although I believe I can be successful in my natural birth, if we are talking a 10 pounder, we may have to reconsider.

P.S. while writing this post I came to the realization that I need steak tips. So I just placed an order to a local restaurant so I can get my daily fix of meat (maybe I need the iron?)... This is ridiculous.

Calm and relaxed

2010-03-29T14:53:00.004-04:00

Years ago I would have never pegged myself as someone who would even consider having a natural childbirth. After all why go through all that without meds when we live in a world with some many options available. But once I got pregnant, and even a little before, I started researching the prospect of having one of those crazy, hippie births...

I have heard that I am crazy for even considering this option, from nurses I work with to close friends of mine. Most people are stunned and just don't understand why I would even think about doing this drug free, after all, I must have forgotten where babies come from. Ouch. They are quick to point out that there is no way I will be able to do it.

I say why not? There are plenty of women out there who have had babies without the use of epidurals, pitocin, and other pain medications. Women had babies for thousands of years without medication, and many nations still don't use it (many with better statistical outcomes, I might add). It's funny because when I mention the fact that I will try to go au naturale, after all the negative comments are finished, there is always someone who talks to me quietly about how they had their baby or babies naturally and how they are the biggest wimps ever, but they could do it. Why aren't these people screaming their stories from the roof tops? They should be so proud of themselves and try to share their story with everyone. But they are quiet, and all you ever hear or see are the "war stories" about how terrible childbirth is.

Now I am not going into this decision blindly or without at least some tools to try and make this experience as least painful as possible. Firstly, Ros and I are taking a natural childbirth class. Which I personally don't think is totally necessary as we know the different stages of labor and whatnot. But they do teach different birthing positions which I find insightful and it's something that Ros and I can do together. Secondly, I have started using a course called Hypnobabies. I found Hypnobabies on the internet after our original hypnobirthing class was cancelled. With this course you read their manual, listen to positive pregnancy and birth affirmations daily, and various hypnosis cd's. Will this work for me and help me have a natural birth? I guess we won't know until July comes and we actually have to use it, but from what I've read, if you are dedicated to using the program, you will be successful. My philosophy is, if I need the drugs, I will get them, but I will do everything in my power to avoid them. Who knows what kind of side effects they will find these drugs have down the road. I'm sure James Sokolov will have a commercial in the future so you can get the compensation you deserve.

So for the past week and until my first "birthing wave" hits I am a dedicated student of Hypnobabies. Not because I am some hippie or some martyr who loves to torture myself, but because I want to avoid the endless cascade of interventions that usually accompany "regular" births such as:
1. being induced with pitocin and strapped to a monitor and confined to the bed
2. then the contractions are so bad due to this fake hormone that you have no choice but to get an epidural
3. then you are tethered to the bed because you can't feel/move your legs
4. you get a catheter
5. all of sudden the baby is in distress because the contractions are so strong because the pitocin is making your uterus squeeze too hard
6. then an emergency c-section

Watching the Business of Being Born was very enlightening. Although I wouldn't consider a homebirth, the info provided in this documentary is eye opening.

Thump!

2010-03-20T11:30:00.003-04:00

Quickie post about the soccer player vs. her mom. Yesterday as Ros was taking part in her routine baby harassment when the baby kicked her in the head several times. It really weirded out her mom, but I loved watching.

We're doing great here, bummed I have to work all weekend. It's getting harder and harder to work 12 hour shifts, but I just have to suck it up because the only alternative is to work less during the shift but more days during the week. I'm lucky I have a boss that is flexible and this would be a possibility but there is no way I'm going in there more than 3 days a week.

Cankles are becoming more of a reality these days. Not so much on a daily basis, but I definitely look more cankly after 12 hours on my feet even while wearing TEDS. I guess this will just be part of my pregnancy. I just hope those varicose veins stay away during the next several weeks, but thinking back to what my mother's legs looked like after a few kids, I don't stand a chance. She never wore shorts my entire life unless we were at the beach, sad. Maybe the TEDS will help with that...I hope.

Viability

2010-03-16T16:32:00.003-04:00

Not to say that I want to see little Nugget anytime soon, but it is nice to know that if something were to happen, all hope would not be lost as far as her little life goes. All that being said, I do not want to see her little face until at lease mid-June. I've seen what happens to most of those little angels born too early, of course there are some babies who do well, like a co-worker of mine who had twin boys at 24 weeks, but most do not.

Moving on to some non-baby related news, Ros and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary yesterday. I can't believe I have been married for a year already, seems like just yesterday we were talking about how we couldn't wait to dive into the top of our wedding cake since we could barely enjoy any at our actual wedding. Well we dove right into that bad boy yesterday, and I have to say, for a cake that's been in a freezer for the past year, damn it was delicious. Konditormeister does a great job. I'm still waiting to go to the "new" Milky Way so I can enjoy the pizza (loaded baked potato) that I never enjoyed at our wedding, because really, who has time to eat on their wedding day?

I am so happy to be able to be 6 months pregnant at our 1 year anniversary. One reason we decided to get married was so Ros could be on the birth certificate when we finally had a baby. We were also both nervous that MA would pull some sort of crazy California crap and we wanted to be grandfathered in if that was the case. To celebrate our wonderful day we enjoyed Thai lettuce wraps and buffalo blasts from the Cheesecake Factory along with our first natural birthing class. It's wonderful how things have come full circle.

So here we are, 1 year later, pregnant, back from our wonderful babymoon, and the wait begins. We had Nuggets room painted while we were gone so I could avoid the hazardous fumes. I know there is no VOC paint, but we had extra of the color we ended up using so hopefully we won't give her cancer by saving a few bucks on a new can of paint. Next on the agenda is to have the stairs and 2nd floor carpeted. It's sad to see Tucker and Avery fall all the way down the stairs if they have a misstep and I don't want to fall down them if I happen to slip in my socks with an infant in my arms. Then we can finally set up the crib and have Jeff come over to hoist the dresser through the window.

Being 6 months pregnant has it's ups and downs. One of the greatest ups is that I can feel Nugget move very frequently, and her kicks are getting stronger every day. I love it when Ros gets to feel her although she does get shy sometimes when a hand gets placed over the spot. Another bonus is looking pregnant without being too big yet. My belly is still cute as the organic Palmer's coco butter lotion is keeping any impending stretch mark at bay for now. One downside is that it takes a Herculean effort to roll over in bed, and I know this is just going to get worse. This leads to waking up several times per night to roll over, realizing that I should just get up to pee, and then time to fall back asleep. It makes for a slightly fatigued me, although no where near as bad as during the first trimester.

So I have to say this pregnancy (and life) is treating me well so far. We'll see what kind of turn these posts will take in a few weeks when we reach #3.

Babymoon!

2010-03-11T19:56:00.005-05:00

Summary:

Screw NY!

Butterflies at the Conservatory Nickie taking a buddha break at the Conservatory
23 Weeks!

Baby's first drink! =P

My lizard friend

Us at the beach
Don't make me go!

We're back from our babymoon: The last hoorah until our nuggette arrives. Nickie and I went back to Key West where we honeymooned last year. We stayed at Pearl's again, our favorite women only/ clothing optional resort!
In booking the flights in January, we talked about our options. We could have one layover and pay out the rear, or have 2 layovers and save $260. BAD IDEA. Our flight from Boston to LaGuardia was over 2 hours late in leaving due to a "late crew". That, in addition to circling NYC for 30mins because there was no available runways to land meant we missed our connection. Apparently you need to assume this is going to happen when going to LaGuardia, which we will NEVER do again. I bitched to American Air and got free lunch out of it....great. When all was said and done, we spent 13 hours dealing with airports and didn't get to Key West til almost 10pm. The first 6 hours consisted of Nickie going through fits of anxiety and hormonal rants; I considered getting up and running away since she'd never catchup with the baby on board her frame. Instead, I kept rubbing her back and said, "It'll be fine..We'll get there..."Screw you, New York!

Pearl's was as lovely as we remembered. We got our little shack back with enough room for a bed. We took advantage of the hot tub outside of our room every night. It'll be that memory under the stars that I'll dissociate to when we haven't slept in 2 weeks...

Vacationing is different with a pregger. When we honeymooned last year, the priority was what water activities we could do and where we could find the cheapest drinks. This time, it was about where we could find a dessert fix and where we could go that had an accessible bathroom. Boats were out of the question. We had to find places that we could walk to that would not result in cankles ("cankles"- ankles that are the same circumfence as one's calves). TEDS were fine for the plane but were not appropraite island-wear.

We had some good pool days and met lovely ladies (who stayed dressed) to chat with. Nickie wore a bikini for the first time and looked SO cute! It was a nice, relaxing trip. We did do a few things: go on the gay trolley tour with a mess of cute old homomen, went to the Butterfly Conservatory, had a couple's massage at Prana (where the 4 mins on her back made Nickie vagal, but only once!), shopped on Duval Street and visited Ripley's. The evenings consisted of bumming around Pearl's bar and, of course, taking dips in the hot tub.

On the way home, we sat across from a 6 month old on her mom's lap from Miami to Boston. We were taking bets on how long it would take until she started wailing. To our relief, she happened to be the most well-behaved baby on the planet. She never screamed, but never slept; she just looked around and smiled for 3 hours. Nickie would stick her tongue out and the baby would do the same, then laugh. It was pretty outstanding.

I'm glad we went. It was nice to just have some QT together, knowing that time will be a hot commodity in a few months (4, to be exact!). I'm also glad we went when we did. 2nd trimester is great! Nickie wasn't sick or ginormous. Perfect timing!

-Ros

Ping!

2010-03-01T18:24:00.005-05:00

Nugget at 19 weeks!

I don't know what else to call it. To Nickie, it looks like it scares her out of her seat. But when the baby kicks, all I can feel through Nickie is a little "ping!". Nickie's been feeling Nugget's movements for about a week. I've been harrassing the baby to get her to wake up and have been generally successful. She moves, kicks and does some weird vibrating movement when I talk to her, but that's only been by report. It's been fun to see Nickie jump with her eyes lit up when the baby would twitch, but I haven't been able to feel it until today.

This has been the only thing I think I would say I'm jealous of. My maternal urges have been adequately quelled til this point. I wish I could have the baby in me for just a few minutes. I'm just curious!

I read the other night that fetuses can start to taste flavors in amniotic fluid around week 22. I started to wonder what the baby likes. Would she freak out with hot sauce? Is there anything that she thinks is gross? Does she have a favorite yet? I hope she loves peanut butter; she wouldn't be mine otherwise.

I thought as a nurse I had a good understanding of this whole process, but watching it from this angle continues to baffle me. A parasite in my wife can taste what she's eating?! What?!

Update: We saw Valeree, the midwife today. All is well. We found out that when we go to Key West at the end of the week, Nickie can go in the hot tub outside our room for short periods. Valeree talked about the cyst and confirmed that it is benign. We have the option of a follow-up ultrasound in a few weeks.

Buddha pics!

22 Weeks! Bets are on as to when her bellybutton will fall out. I give it 5 weeks!

Little Fishie

2010-02-27T11:52:00.003-05:00

I have finally started to feel the Nugget over the past week or so. I wouldn't exactly call her a soccer player yet as her kicks are few and far between but I know it's just the beginning. I'm sure there are plenty of sleepless nights to come due to acrobatics in my uterus at 3am. Good thing I am usually up until that time at least 3 times per week. I was nervous for a while that I wouldn't feel her for a few more weeks due to my anterior placenta, but there must be a non placentad spot at my left lower uterus because that's where I can usually feel her trying to break free. It's such a weird feeling, like a goldfish hitting the side of its bowl. I wish she was big and powerful enough for Ros to feel her through my belly, but we're not quite there yet. I absolutely love that she sometimes moves in response to Ros blowing raspberries on my belly or Ros talking to her. Her movements are just enough to let me know that she really is ok in there. I wish women were equipped with a tiny window to allow you to take a peak at the baby to know they are ok.

We'll be around 22 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe we've been through more weeks than we have left. It seems like we've go so far to go, but in reality I know the time is going to fly and our lives will be changed forever. We are so lucky to be surrounded by people who are equally as excited about this baby as we are, whether they be old friends or co-workers. I think that the process and amount of work that went into getting pregnant and the fact that we were so open about the whole thing has made this "everybody's" baby.

T-minus 6 days until Ros and I head off to hopefully sunny Key West for our 5 day Babymoon. We were there less than 1 year ago for our honeymoon. I can't wait to waddle around in my bikini top with my belly hanging out. I have never in my life worn a bikini top, mostly because I was embarrassed by my belly, now that I am proud of it, I mind as well show it off. It is quite cute and hasn't been scarred by any stretch marks yet. Hopefully we won't have to go there since I have been religiously cocobuttering since around 12 weeks. Although many people told me this doesn't make a difference, I hope I can prove them all wrong.

Gray

2010-02-12T11:16:00.003-05:00

This baby is going to make me completely gray by the time she is born. I'll look like that older mother that others will envy for my energy of a 30 year old.

When I got to work yesterday, the secretary told me that I had received a phone call and she told them I'd be in at 3. I asked if it was Ros, she said it was someone from Maternal Fetal Health. My heart skipped a beat as my mind started racing as to why in the hell would they call me at work. Something must be wrong with the baby, is obviously the first thing that popped into my head since we had our ultrasound the day earlier. So I went to my assignment and waited for them to call back.

At 3:15 they did. When I answered the phone it was the radiologist who reviewed my ultrasound. She proceeded to tell me that Nugget has a small choroid plexus cyst in her brain. Obviously curious as to what the heck that means, she told me that it was usually nothing, a benign finding, but could sometimes be an indicator for trisomy 18. For all of you who aren't familiar with devastating genetic disorders, trisomy 18 is a really bad one, incompatible with life. After a mini panic attack, she explained to me that since everything else looked normal, I shouldn't worry. I was more relieved when I remembered that we had our 12 week nuchal translucency integrated screen which tests for markers for Downs Syndrome and other trisomy conditions, including trisomy 18. Our results were completely normal. I think my ratio for Downs Syndrome was like 1:617, which is a really good ratio to have.

Of course as soon as I got off the phone with her I called Ros at work. I told her not to panic but they found this abnormality on Nuggets ultrasound. At first she was a little nervous but 2 seconds later she Googled the cyst and was relieved. I looked up my medical record while I was at work (another benefit to my job) and saw my offical ultrasound report. It stated the cyst was small and that there were no other abnormal findings although they couldn't rule out clenched fists which can also be an indicator. We can rule out the clenched fists as we have a picture of Nugget high fiving the screen. I know she has 5 fingers on her left hand.

It's amazing how much you love and care about this little being inside of you before they are even born. If we worry this much before she even gets here, how are we going to be once she's here? I don't want to be one of those overprotective, hypochondriac parents I see on a daily basis who bring their kid to the ER at the first sign of a snot bubble. I don't think we'll be those kind of parents, at least I hope we won't.

On a better note, Nugget weighed in at a whopping 12 ounces at the ultrasound. Someone at work last night dubbed her Bud Light. So let's cheers to a healthy Bud Light.

Phew, that was close.

2010-02-11T00:44:00.003-05:00

We had our 20 week anatomy scan today. It was so nice to see Nugget moving all around. Unfortunately due to my anterior placenta, I won't really be feeling her acrobatics for a little while longer. Although I have felt little twinges now and again which I attribute to gas, in reality it is probably our little worm moving around.

Today was an interesting day. First off, the office called early to see if we wanted to change the appointment time. Our original time was scheduled for 2pm but due to the impending "blizzard" we went in at 10:30am. Ten thirty doesn't sound like too bad of a time, but when you just worked until 3:30am, then came home and chatted with your wife til 4, it seems very early. We got there on time even though we didn't get up until 9:50 and the office is about 25 minutes away. Then we sat there in the waiting room for about 30 minutes before getting called in. I hopped up onto the table in a small little closet being passed off as an ultrasound room. All was well in the beginning, Nugget is in there sucking her thumb, constantly holding her hands up to her face, little ankles crossed. After about 15 minutes I found myself not really enjoying the temperature of the room. I took my sweatshirt off, which made it better for about 3 minutes. My legs started feeling funny, kind of tingly. I kept thinking, am I going to puke? I'm laying there, can't focus on what the tech is doing, my back is sweating. I don't know who realized something was up either the tech or Ros, but I'm glad someone did. I rolled onto my left side and got a cool paper towel, and after a few minutes I was ok. I don't know if I was vagaling myself laying on my vena cava so long or what, but phew, that was close.

After my near syncopal episode, Nugget decided to be stubborn and not let the tech get a good look at her spine. The tech told me to take a few minutes and walk around the office to try to get her to roll. We went out, I looked ridiculous pacing and jiggling my belly. But all my hard work paid off as Nugget had flipped completely over and we got a perfect shot of her spine. All looked good with the scan. It's funny, as the tech was measuring everything (head and arms) they all measured a bit over 20 weeks. When she got to her legs, 19w 3d. Hilarious, this little peanut is going to have short stubby legs just like her mama.

Good thing we had our "unofficial" ultrasound at 15 weeks and clearly saw Nuggets three little girly lines because this stubborn little princess was being very modest today. Either her legs were crossed or closely together the whole scan. The tech couldn't be sure if Nugget is still a nuggette, but she didn't see any boy parts the whole time, so she says 75% girl.

I can't believe we're almost halfway through. I'm still feeling good. My new annoyance of the week is hearing my heartbeat in my R ear. It's not there all the time, only about 80% of the time. It's pretty annoying, but there isn't anything I can do for it. My blood pressure is fine and there is no infection to be seen so we'll chalk it up to my doubling blood volume and since I can't drain myself, I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Baby Belly

2010-02-08T14:47:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can't believe how much I've popped over the past few weeks. I finally feel like I'm starting to look pregnant instead of just fat and bloated. I have to say it's a nice feeling. It's also great to have a wife who is absolutely obsessed with my belly. I can't wait to see her fall in love with it more and more as it starts to become it's own entity.

With the belly also comes some anxiety over it being touched by complete strangers. People ask me if I mind if others touch my belly, answer is, if I know you, touch away. Rub it for good luck, rub it to put yourself in a better mood, I don't care. If I have never met you before, touch it and risk getting touched back, and I assure you it won't be in such a nice way. I'll just blame it on the hormones.

Ros and I will be going for our anatomy scan on Weds. Very excited to take another peak at nugget. Hopefully her girly parts will still be girl parts and she hasn't sprouted a penis in the last month. Not that I would mind a boy, but thinking she's a girl for this long I've come to love the idea, and the cute little outfits Ros has picked up along the way. I'm pretty confident we won't see any "growth" in a couple days.

I can't believe we'll be half-way through this pregnancy next week. Although I hope that I am already half way through this week as 38 weeks would be plenty of time for her to be healthy without giving her too much time to pile on the pounds. I am really hoping for a natural birth, but if this kids 10lbs, forget it.

How lucky we are

2010-02-05T18:36:00.004-05:00

This pregnancy has reminded us how lucky we are. There are plenty of people out there who struggle for support and can't afford the baby basics. Nickie and I are fortunate to have....Craigslist. Just kidding (but not really because I LOVE IT!).

We're flooded with friends and family giving us just about everything we need. Furniture, carriages, carriers, toys, clothes, etc, etc, ETC. Showers are in the works already. People have already volunteers to babysit for out "date nights" (and we're going to remember who you are!). I just can't believe the amount of enthusiasm people have had. It's gotten us even more excited.

Thank-you to everyone so far. You've made it an amazing process so far. We feel so lucky to have such generous people around us.

Baby update: Nickie's 18 weeks along. The baby belly has arrived (and I LOVE IT (almost as much as Craigslist;))). Nugget had an easily detectable heartbeat at the last midwife's appointment. Next ultrasound is next Wednesday. Hopefully she'll have some soft tissue by now...

-Ros

Helpful hints

2010-01-28T11:25:00.004-05:00

I wish I could hold seminars for lesbians trying to conceive. Now I am not claiming to be some sort of fertility expert, and I know that we are lucky to have gotten pregnant so fast, but reading some lesbians journeys trying to conceive just makes me so frustrated.

Before we started, Ros bought me The Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth for Christmas. We read that book cover to cover (minus a few chapters that didn't pertain to me at all). I made it my mission to become the most fertile dyke I could be, mainly because I wanted to limit Ros's exposure to semen. I mean we're lesbians, and one of the biggest perks of being so is not having to be around that sticky, smelly stuff. Also, I didn't want to burn through our entire life savings on buying stuff that men just waste on a daily basis.

Months before even thinking of trying, I was vigilant on temping every morning. I started a regimen of herbal supplements and vitamins that I thought would help my cycle and my body. I drank organic fertility tea daily that I made from scratch even when we went on vacation. I exercised and tried eating organically (most of the time). I even tried to do a body cleanse which sent me running for toilets in various places due to the "colon cleansing aspect". Ros became intimately familiar with my cervix and what it's texture and position meant for my impending ovulation. It wasn't easy and sometimes not very pleasant. It really isn't my personality to live this kind of lifestyle, but I knew what I wanted, what we wanted, and wanted to make it as easy as possible to get there. I also read the book Making Babies, which takes eastern and western philosophies on fertility and incorporated some of those into my life, like eating "warm" foods to help become pregnant. I felt like it was my job to groom the fertile environment within me. I read this was important in some hippie type book I stumbled across and thought that nothing could be truer. You wouldn't throw seeds in some chemical filled nasty dirt and expect them to sprout into beautiful flowers.

I really just feel bad for some of the posts I read on babycenter. I just read over and over again women who are failing mainly because they just don't know their cycle and their body. They use ovulation predictors but don't really know what those predictors mean for them. They are unaware of the time their mucus is most fertile, before or after ovulation. I found that to be one of the helpful signs. The list goes on.

My advice for everyone trying to conceive is to make your body into a science experiment. Try and gather as much information as you possibly can about your fertility signs and your cycle. Write it down each month. Temp and use OPK's to see how long after your OPK turns positive that you actually ovulate. Eat well and exercise. Drink fertility tea. And when all else fails get a St. Gerard medal (the patron saint of motherhood) and wear it daily. Although I am a "recovering" catholic and really not religious at all, Sue at Ros's work got us each a medal because she swears by the power of it. Well we started wearing it and we got pregnant that month. Call it coincidence, but we didn't take that medal off until my first trimester passed. Here we are almost 18 weeks along and all is well.

Last "unofficial" ultrasound... I mean it!!!

2010-01-18T01:02:00.003-05:00

Woohoo, girlie parts. I am excited to be having a little girl, although for some reason I feel as though I would be more equipped to handle a boy, why, I'm really not sure. Maybe it's because in my non-maternity state I like wearing boy clothes so I enjoy little boy outfits a bit more than the frills and lace of the girlier variety? I'm really not sure. At least now one question doesn't have to be answered, to circumcise or not to circumcise... How the heck could I decide, I don't have a penis...

So thus comes the end of our unofficial ultrasounds, this brings our total ultrasoundage to 6. It was just so tempting to be able to take a peak at her every few weeks while bored at work waiting for my shift to end. Unfortunately with the joy also comes my neurosis (due to incessant Internet searches) that I did something wrong by ultrasounding too much. Really are ultrasounds safe??? I guess they are pretty safe, but not 100%. I just hope we didn't give her some sort of brain damage from all those sound waves bouncing off her developing little brain and ears. I know I'm being paranoid and neurotic, but I can't help myself. I think I'm just preparing myself for a lifetime of neurotic thoughts, are vaccinations safe? Is that the right school to send her to? Should I bubble wrap her before she leaves the house? It's overwhelming now to think that the choices I make now while she is still growing inside me could possibly affect her for the rest of her life...

What's done is done, and I'm going to try not to stress to much about what I can't change. I can now be excited about pink outfits, ponytails, princess outfits, and dolls galore... Or maybe she'll turn out to be my little tomboy clone who wants to play in the mud in her overalls and wouldn't even think of putting on a dress??? I guess only time will tell us what her personality is all about, for now all I hope is that she is healthy and the cutest little peanut around.
-Nickie

It's a vagina!

2010-01-17T23:29:00.007-05:00

Well, it was 3 lines that we were told is a vagina, but I believe what we were told. Nickie gave in to have one more "unofficial" ultrasound while she was at work. I got the call from her at 11:40pm while she was at work and I think I was at Newton-Wellesley by midnight. I didn't even change out of my pajamas! We saw the 3 lines in Nugget's crotch and the void area between her li'l legs.

It was making me crazy not knowing. I hate not knowing things. I was that kid that found my presents in my parents' closet weeks before Christmas (sorry, mom). I think I'm a tough person to surprise, because I'll start digging for clues if there is the slightest inkling that there's something going on. I'll chalk it up to the impulsiveness and greediness of being a Taurus.
As far as the actual gender was concerned, I was pretty indifferent. Working in acute pediatrics gives me an appreciation for kids that can breathe on their own and don't need assistive devices to function. I don't care what's between their legs. Nickie had said she preferred a boy in the past, but since she's been saying its a girl since day one, I think she's pretty comfortable with the idea. But, I'll let her blog about that at another time.

I like that I can picture what our future will look like a bit more vividly. I can see our tea parties and playing dress up. (I can't believe that's going to be our life!) I picked up a few girly things that I can picture on her. If she's anything like her mom, she'll need bows... lots of bows.

Side note: 16 week ultrasounds are a bit scary; there's bone being made and the soft tissue comes later. She kind of looked like Skeletor. Scary!

Next obsession...

2010-01-15T23:58:00.004-05:00

So my need for citrus has passed. My new craving is now for anything frozen in the fruit form. My 2 new favorites are Trader Joe's Fruit Flo's and Smooze. They say you crave things that your body needs, I guess I'm in need of sugary fruity ice.

YUMMY!!!
-Nickie

A New Year's miracle

2010-01-13T20:01:00.003-05:00

I am excited to report that I have found some not-so-girly maternity shirts. Hooray, I thought this feat would be impossible, now I can relax that I won't have to be seen in half buttoned button downs and my belly hanging out of my t-shirts. Right now I can still get away with wearing some of my old shirts but forget about any of my pants, well except for my sweat pants of course and since I can't live in those. While in Destination Maternity today I had to put on one of these pregnant belly thingies (a 7-month one) to try on my clothes. What a mind f*ck. It's bizarre because I know I'm pregnant, we've heard the heartbeat, seen the baby, but somehow it's hard to believe that I'm going to look like all of those other pregnant ladies out there. Today I saw myself as one of them, and boy was it friggen hilarious.

One of the best parts about being a nurse is the fact that I don't have to buy any new work clothes. Those nice maternity clothes cost a small fortune and I'm glad we can spend our money on better things. Unfortunately I had to move up a size in scrub tops to a medium to accommodate my ever growing belly, hips, and butt. But since I get my new bigger scrubs free at work, it's a little less painful.

So here we are, 15 weeks and change, and I'm feeling pretty good. My energy level has definitly improved, it's nice not to feel like a slug all the time. The worst thing now is my heartburn, which is nothing new. Although now it has started actually burning, whereas before it was only constant vurping. Tums are my best friend. I have also had backaches with sciatica pain, usually after bending down for any (even slightly extended) period of time. And headaches have become a minor issue, especially when I'm working. I think the fluroesent lighting is definitly a contributing factor to that problem. I know that 800mg of motrin would do the trick for my head and back, too bad the only thing safe to take is tylenol, which is like spitting on a campfire to put it out.

Eek!

2010-01-07T17:13:00.002-05:00

I just figured out there's only 180 days to go! I don't know if I want to cheer, cry or puke! OMG! (Will I still be able to use trendy abbreviations when I'm a mom?) That's really all I have for right now, but I think that's enough! =)
-Ros

Style or function???

2010-01-03T18:19:00.006-05:00

So what is more important when choosing baby items??? Now that we are 14 weeks along, I can now stop being so superstitious and start looking at baby things that we are actually going to buy...

The big dilemma of the day is what is more important, style or function, when it comes to car seats??? There is one that we really like by Graco which holds baby up to 32 lbs and has a really cute design on it. We both really like it, problem is, I'm not sure why Graco doesn't make any car seats with a vertical handle bar. It is not ergonomically correct to have to hold your hand horizontal to your body when holding a heavy seat with a heavy baby in it. I can totally feel the carpal tunnel coming on already. On the other hand, Baby Trend makes a car seat with a great, very comfortable and erogonomically correct handle, but their seats are ugly has hell. Also their seats only hold babies up to 22 lbs, personally I don't want to have to buy 3 car seats for this kid.

or...

Although these aren't the exact seats we were looking at, you get the idea of the different handles. Decisions, decisions...
-Nickie

Already a pain in the neck!

2009-12-28T21:39:00.003-05:00

Nickie had her 12-13 week appointment today, which was supposed to be a quick check in with the midwife. It ended up being almost an hour and a half. Why, you're wondering? It's because our child has already decided to induce anxiety in us. I anticipate this will only be the beginning...

Our midwife took the doppler out to find the baby's heartbeat. I assumed two things when she started:
1) The doppler would be a higher quality than the one we bought online for $70, which we use for fun at home.
2) Midwives, who do this daily, will be better at finding a heartbeat than we are.
Neither one of these things were true.

She put the doppler on Nickie's pelvic area after the gel slather. She pushed the doppler probe, then moved it, then pushed, then changed angles. We heard nothing but some static. After a few minutes of this, the midwife suggests that it may be the doppler, so she leaves the room and returns with another one. She reapplies gel, applies the probe, pushes, moves, reangles....nothing. At this point our smiley midwife has become pretty quiet and solemn. After about 8 minutes (aka eternity), she suggests that she brings in another midwife to try. Another midwife comes in and goes through the same motions. Still nothing. At this point, I'm starting to get nervous. I can feel my own heartbeat in my tonsils. The midwife then suggests we go for an ultrasound, "hoping" we could get it in today (what do you mean "hope"!).

We're off to the main desk to pre-register for the ultrasound, because gawd forbid we get the referral in AFTER we make sure Nickie's gut isn't carrying around a dead baby. We then run into the ultrasound room, where the tech casually fills out an information form, a requistion and enters all of Nickie's information in the computer. (Again, we couldn't have done this AFTER?! HELLO?!) Finally, the motions start again: gel, apply, push, move....and there it is- A heartbeat in a twitchy little baby, acting like we had disturbed her nap.

It was one of the longest 20 minutes I've lived through since my dad died(temporarily) in 2007. After my heart settled back in my thorasic cavity, I realized she was probably doing this to prepare us for the multitude of breathless moments she's going to provoke. What a little pain in the neck! =)

Au revoir 1st trimester

2009-12-26T18:09:00.002-05:00

As today comes to a close so does the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy. Not so sad to say goodbye. After the intial excitement of finding out that it worked, the symptomes really become a drag. The 4 weeks of feeling like I had mono sucked pretty bad. I felt like I could just close my eyes and nap at any time of the day and then still go to bed and sleep another 10 hours. I had pretty bad afternoon nausea, although I consider myself very lucky as I never threw up once.

Now that 13 weeks is approaching, most of my afternoon nausea has ended, although I still feel a bit cheesy after taking a hot shower. Which the easy solution would be not to take a hot shower but a warm shower, but boy do I love that hot water. I'm also doing better eating cooked veggies, although the thought of broccoli still makes me gag a little.

I think it's safe to get rid of the bag of tampons I still carry around in my work bag. I have to say that I haven't missed not having my period since Sept. It weird to think that I won't be getting it again for at least 6 more months, probably more if breastfeeding goes as well as I hope.

On the downside of finishing up the first 12 weeks, my pants no longer fit. Ros and me had to go to Old Navy the other night to buy maternity pants. The thing about maternity clothes is that they aren't really geared towards the dykey pregnant chick, which poses a slight problem for me as I never wear ladies clothes. But I'll have to adapt and I got the most androgynous looking pants I could find. Forget about the shirts though, I'll just have to buy bigger T-shirts and whatnot because there is no way I am wearing anything with ruffles.
-Nickie

A difference

2009-12-24T23:06:00.002-05:00

Observation:

Even before birth, I can see a difference between 2 women having a child verses and man and a woman; the expectations of dads are set low by a lot of expectant mothers. Example: The babycenter.com message board Nickie and I follow had a question about which appointments the husbands/ boyfriends should go to. Most women said they should go to the appointments with ultrasounds and he should go to "important ones if he can". In the back of my head I'm thinking,"Which one?! ALL OF THEM!" I can't imagine not going to an appointment Nickie has. That's my kid in there! What if I miss something?!

I want to tell these women they're nuts for letting their men miss appointments, but maybe that's just the straight couple expectation. Who am I to try to change a cultural norm? Again, just an observation...

Anywho, Merry Christmas!
-Ros

Merry Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T11:33:00.015-05:00

Yesterday was a day that started out great but ended on a sour note. Firstly we had our 12 week nuchal translucency u/s to check for Down's syndrome. We weren't worried about any abnormalities but wanted the u/s at 12 weeks. Everything went great, nugget was active as usual. I hope this kid isn't hyperactive once she's born, but guessing from my ultrasounds (official and unofficial), this kid's got spunk. And yes I said she, from the doctors guess (which won't be confirmed for another 6 weeks) we have a little nuggette brewing. This is based on the fact that her little nub is pointing down instead of up. But of course we won't go painting the room pink yet, or ever.

We got some great pics while we were there. They don't usually do 3D this early, but we asked and the tech got a few great ones.

Another great thing about yesterday, we found the heartbeat with our home doppler. We had been trying this for weeks but realized we probably were aiming too high. Ros put that cold gel on me and then BAM there it was, a wonderful sound going at around 150 bpm. We also heard these random thumps every now and again, we think it's nugget kicking around in there hitting the doppler. Who knows maybe it's gas.

On a sad note, our dog Avery lost her best boyfriend Crosby. He was our friends apple head chihuahua. He broke his leg and had to be put down yesterday. We will miss him. RIP Crosby :(

If I lived in Florida...

2009-12-16T23:27:00.003-05:00

I would have an entire citrus grove in my backyard. But in the past few weeks I probably would have stripped all of those trees bare by now. I just can't get enough citrus. It's 11:30pm right now and I couldn't be happier with my pink grapefruit and organic cane sugar. I already ate an orange today. And I am contemplating eating clementines when I'm done. I'm sure there's some old wives tale that says eating citrus means you're having a hermaphrodite or something. I guess there are worse things to crave.

YUMMY!
-Nickie

Make a federal case of it

2009-12-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

Although the gay rights movement has come a long way since Stonewall in '69, I'm learning that there's still a lot of work to do. Quick exmple: I went to talk to our HR guy last week about opening a flexible spending account. I was told that Nickie cannot ever take advantage of he spousal benefits and I will have to legally adopt a baby before he/she can be put as a dependent because flexible spending is a federally regulated program.
To give an idea of what has to be done to adopt, here's the laundry list of things we need:

1. Birth certificate of the child
2. CORI forms for each parent
3. Petition for Adoption
4. Affidavit of Petitioners
5. Affidavit Disclosing Care and Custody
6. Motion to waive appointment of GAL & Atty for the child
7. Motion to waive homestudy
8. Motion to waive notice to unknown donor
9. Affidavit/letter from each party's doctor and the pediatrician that everyone is in good health.
10. Affidavit from the parties detailing their relationship, financial ability to support the child and reasons why the adoption should be allowed.
11. Money. Money. Money.

I appreciate the opportunity to be able to do all of this, because there are plenty of states where this isn't even an option. But... if I had a spot on my record or I was sick or I didn't convince the court my relationship was good enough, would they can say no to me? Really? I could screw a homeless man with a 50 DUI's and Hepatitis B and he'd be a parent to my child with no question. But because I don't have a dick and aren't carrying, I need to prove my abilities as a parent financially, physically and emotionally. The whole thing is just so backwards.

Even after the adoption is complete, only one of us can add the baby as a dependent on our federal taxes. And (of course) we file as single because feds don't recognize our marriage. Don't worry, though. The federal goverment is still more than happy to take a chunk of my check every 2 weeks. They don't discriminate there...

On the up side, my name will be on the birth certificate. I have full parental rights in Massachusetts before the adoption. And, we're still having a baby in about 29 weeks that will know us both as mom instead of mom and "roommate" or "friend". I'm very thankful for that.

Life...and death

2009-12-13T19:36:00.000-05:00

My mother passed away on 12/9/09 after a brief "battle" with cancer. It was more of sucker punch than a battle as she found out she had cancer and then it just consumed her in little over 6 weeks. I guess that's the best way it could be when you have metastasized cancer all over your body. I'm glad it was quick because it was awful seeing her like that, and the stress it was putting on our family was just incredible. Cancer + profound mental illness = nightmare for everyone involved.

We found out that I was pregnant the same week we found out that she had cancer. I'm glad I didn't wait until xmas to tell her I was preggo which was my original plan. I told her about 2 weeks ago after my friend did an unofficial u/s on me when I was about 8.5 weeks (I love having friends in high places). We went to visit her after my u/s as she was in the same hospital and after seeing her, Ros and my sister said it was probably a good idea to tell her as she truly looked like crap and like she could go at any time. Needless to say, she was very happy for us and although she'd been telling me she wanted a grandson for as long as I can remember, she said she was excited to be having a granddaughter... I guess only time will tell to see if she was correct, but we all think it was an interesting change of heart at the last minute. This would have been her first grandchild. It's funny because during our TTC journey I always felt pressured to get pregnant fast because my grandmother is slipping ever so steadily into a demented oblivion and I wanted her to be able to meet her great grandchild, I had no idea at the time that my mother's end would be so imminent.

I did put a picture of my 9.5 week u/s in the casket with her. Now my entire family knows that I'm pregnant, and although they don't all talk about the fact that I am gay and married, they all wished both Ros and me the best.

I think it was a nice distraction for the family to be able to talk of this new life inside of me on the same day as the funeral of my mother. It's ironic how life can be sometimes.

Here's a pic of my mother and Ros with the pooches at during xmas last year. I can't believe how much things have changed in less than one year. Hopefully next year will bring only much needed goodness for my family.

RIP "The Sharon" 8/31/56-12/9/09

-Nickie

Our TTC Journey...

2009-12-06T19:59:00.000-05:00

Well, it's really been more of a short trip since we were really lucky and nugget was created on our second "real" try...

It all started back in Febuary of this year when I started herbal supplementing, temping and charting CM and CP. I really wanted to "take charge of my fertility" and since we aren't lucky like all of those hetero's out there and able to do it the fun way, I aimed to maximize our chances (and limit Ros's exposure of having to shoot semen into me). The Essential Guide is a must for anyone TTC. I started taking prenatals, vitex, omega-3's, evening primrose oil, B-6, eating mostly organic, and drinking fertility tea daily.

After 2 months of trying with a dear KD, we realized that he probably wasn't going to be the best option for us. It's funny because I started considering using donor sperm one night while at work and when I saw Ros the next day she had a spread sheet of all the sperm banks, prices, and options. It's like I sent her a brain wave that night and she was on it. We have a weird connection like that, it's bizarre sometimes and a little freaky.

We decided to go with a smaller bank in the midwest versus the 2 large banks that are local. Even though we had less options, like only anonymous donors and no baby pictures to look at, it was the best option for us. The prices were right which would allow us to do 2 inseminations per month, and honestly too many options and choices overwhelm us.

Our first month of TTC with donor sperm, my body decided it wouldn't cooperate and I didn't ovulate when I should have. I was like clockwork every other month, but of course with $500 riding on my ovaries, it was just too much pressure for them and I ended up ovulating 10 days late, blowing that month. This led me to panic that something was wrong with me and wondered if I could possibly have PCOS. Luckily one trip to the ob/gyn later, my fears were quelled and he told us that if we weren't successful within the next couple of months we could try clomid.

Luckily we never had to go there. Our second month of trying we weren't able to use our chosen bank as the lady who runs the place had a wrestling chamionship thingy to attend with her husband in Europe somewhere. Of course this was scheduled during my ovulation. We should have taken the month off, but we decided to check out another bank in the northwest. We found a donor we "liked" although we weren't as thrilled with him as our other donors. I just kept thinking that I hoped I didn't get pregnant because I didn't want to use this bank for siblings. Well low and behold a BFN. I was only slightly disappointed.

For our third and successful try, I feel like things just barely lined up in our favor. Our bank was able to give us our first choice donor (which is very difficult). We almost didn't get our shipment on time as I ovulated 2 days early and the FedEx truck almost didn't make the delivery on time. I remember sitting home checking the tracking obsessively. Around 2:45 (was supposed to be delivered by 3) I started getting nervous. Ros checked the tracking and it said something like, recipient not available for delivery. Thank god for Ros because she was on the phone with the FedEx headquarters in like 2 seconds flat, even going to the nearest FedEx shipping facility in her scrubs demanding that her patient receives their necessary medical equipment that day. Needless to say Ros gets things done and by 3:45, we had our cryotank. Maybe the extra time we waited made the difference, who knows??? Or maybe it was the pep talk we gave to each of the 2 vials before inseminating.

Needless to say, here we are almost 10 weeks into our pregnancy. My fatigue is lessening and my afternoon nausea is almost non-existent. I'm lucky that I never puked, only came close twice thanks to some eggplant and a verped up omega-3. My boobs are still sore which gives me comfort that not all my symptoms have gone away. Now we can hope that my cravings for fast food will subside and my aversions of cooked veggies will disappear.

Through all of this I would have to say that our journey was a very enjoyable one. Everything worked out just the way we hoped it would and we were able to create our little miracle at home with just the two of us :)

Now let's hope that everything stays where it's supposed to and grows into a beautiful, healthy little baby.

-Nickie

Surprise!

2009-12-06T15:06:00.000-05:00

In waiting to let the big news come out, I've decided to start blogging to quell my urges to scream it from the rooftops...

Nickie's pregnant!!!!!!

Finding this out was not as black-and-white as we have thought it would be. We thought that Nickie would just pee on a stick and either we'd get one line or two. Not really the case....

Being 2 women, I feel like we sometimes have that objective side to say things like, "You're not due for your period for 4 more days, so don't bother yet." We're both emotion-driven women, who are also a bit impatient.

So we tested 9 days after ovulation. Here's what we got on October 23rd:

Nothing, right?

Well, we looked at it, and looked at it. We swore there was SOMETHING... so I started playing with it on Photoshop and got this:

There's definitely a line, but was it REALLY a line? Do lines that need Photoshop count as lines?

Moving onto October 24th...we got another almost-but-not-really line. More photoshop intervention got us this:

There's SOMETHING there. Is that it?

Still not sure...

By Sunday, October 25th, both of us were totally over using the line tests. I had class that Sunday. I didn't hear or retain a single bit of class content that morning; it was research class, so I'm too upset, trust me. Anyways, on the way home from class, I picked up a digital test.

She went upstairs.

She peed.

She covered the test.

She brought it downstairs.

And we waited...

Waiting those 5 minutes seemed like eternity. When it was finally time to check it, I pulled the test out and it looked like this:

Then we looked like this:

And there was much rejoicing. =)

"Nugget" is due July 8th, 2010. Everyone says it's a girl, so I say "boy" to be different.

Here's his/her big debute, done last week! (Thanks, Meghan!)

Is it a baby? Is it a bean? Is it an alien? Not too sure, but we'll assume the first answer until proven differently.
We're absolutely thrilled and can't wait for Nugget to make their appearance!

-Ros